Falling in dark pit




Hello dear readers!

You are going to read one of my dark secret.  I have fallen in a very dark pit and I don’t even know how I would come out of this darkness. In my last blog post I have wrote my fantasy about a person.

And what if you have absorbed his darkness into you ….. for me it’s like  I have bought a dress ,which is  out of my budget  and I am in  big debt .

I don’t even know which way I would go….feeling miserable. Even though; I already have known the truth.  Whenever I get the reality check my heart sunk like  the titanic.

It’s like whenever I am with him ….he is my world. Living separate and alone would seriously make me insane….i am wandering in dark forest and piercing my heart once again. I won’t come out this time and won’t be able stand….

I am just done with myself now…. I know have crossed some limits now….

PS.I am living my life without thinking …..i know now…..who I can be.


He said “I won’t marry you”.(short story of breakup)

Do you believe in destiny …..so here is a short story ….illu

please click the linkhttp://liferebooting.blogspot.in/2018/04/he-said-i-wont-marry-youshort-story-of.html

i would like to write more on it….if you like this portion  please  comment.


तेरी आंखों की चमक, तेरी होठों की मुस्कान सब खो चुकी है।

तेरी आंखों की चमक, तेरी होठों की मुस्कान सब खो चुकी है।
तेरे बोलने का अंदाज ,तेरी हंसी की मिठास अब लुट चुकी है।
तू बिखर गया है ,तू अकेला सा हो गया है
तू बिखर गया है ,तू अकेला सा हो गया है
ना तू सुनता है, ना तो सुनाना चाहता है।।
तू अकेले में रोता है ,तू दीवारों को ताक ता हैं।
तू दिन भर यही सोचता है -“मैं ही क्यों ?”
तू दिन भर यही सोचता है- “आखिर में ,मैं ही क्यों ?

Click picture …To read whole poem

मैं जो तुमसे कहना चाहती हूं भाग 2

कभी कभी ऑफिस में गड़बड़ हो जाती है पर मैं संभाल लेती हुँ। अब तो ऑफिस में भी दोस्त बन गए हैं जो मेरी मदद कर सकते हैं।


प्रिय दोस्त,
तो कैसे हो तुम । मुझे माफ करना मुझे ऐसे ओपन लेटर नहीं लिखना चाहिए। पर असल में मैं यह लेटर सिर्फ तुम्हें नहीं लिख रही ।तुम्हारे जरिए अपनी भावनाओं को पूरी दुनिया को किसी न किसी तरीके से बताना चाहती हुँ। किसी को भी अपनी निजी जिंदगी के बारे में कभी इस तरह नहीं कहना चाहिए। पर यह तो सिर्फ एक लेख है जिसमें मुझ जैसे व्यक्ति अपनी भावनाओं को कहानियों और लेखों के जरिए जाहिर करते हैं। इसलिए मैं तुम्हें एक ओपन पत्र लिख रही हूँ। ताकि इस लेटर के जरिए मेरी कुछ बातें दुनिया वालों तक पहुँच सके। पिछले दिनों से मैंने बहुत कुछ जाना ।और आज मेरी सोच ऐसी है, की अब मुझे लोगों को देखकर डर नहीं लगता । please click link below👇 for more reading… It is link to original blog post.



Watch “Introduction trailer” on YouTube

video blog

So here’s I am, my first vlog in Hindi. Obviously many of My readers don’t know me so they can read more about mycovertlife in this blog …

#social media experiment

Things have changed …life review.

Hello reader, it took me long time to write something ethical….

Well! I am very much busy these days because it’s financial year ending. Many of you might be thinking what connection I am having with finance, so let me remind you that I am still working as trainee accountant….. And yes! I am still stuck…..although I don’t hate my job now….because now I have got use to it.

These days i am living alone…. and I don’t have a single human being around me  during times when I need them…. I am actually talking about my family and friends.

I don’t know what feelings are as I have turned into a robot who knows only about her works…

But I am enjoying this alone solitude time…..because no one cares whether I am sleeping or awake…..whether dying or living …I can do anything ….even dance naked !(just kidding…..but its truth )

I am living on my own….still lazy…..in cooking. (The reason I still want my mother to be with me is food because… I can’t cook well.)

These days music is my best friend…..it still helping me to survive.

I listen and download a new tracks everyday…. and I have become huge fan of Asian dramas which include Japan, Taiwanese, Thai, Korean Indian mix videos are my favorite…. Korean/Thai actors are really very cute and handsome….

I have prepared a list of series to see every day during my spare time…

  1. Full house Korean/Thai
  2. Playful kiss/ kiss me
  3. My little lover
  4. The girl and three sweethearts.

And there are more to watch….

Now about my personal love trouble….

I can’t love someone more than myself…I have learn this about myself…..

Going through one sided relationship doesn’t give much more than pain.

Although this time it was not hard because I was not serious from very beginning … I have already told vikas….my first preference is my career and my family which exactly same from his side for his family and himself.

I didn’t have much chance to know him…and yes! I am not ashamed to take his name….no code V this time.

It was not a serious  kind…of l0ve relationship…..just a trial date….which took….five years to understand that we couldn’t go together.

I know he will be annoyed ….but now who cares…. I am already a spoil brat.

I know describing your personal relationship in public is highly immature and a big stupidity…. but you know what ….my heart is really itching ….and I can’t control.

He compared himself with someone who was….

I can’t disclose…much ….it my fault and I am taking blame on my self….

I believe him as good friend…. and may be after reading all these things he may not consider me as one.

I do not hate him ….it’s that things have not gone far between us and I am thankful….

My last poem “thank god we never kissed” was dedicated to him….

PS…By the way vikas….if you are reading this….. I am sorry for mentioning you in public.

One sketch… and my thoughts.

I too have move ahead…. But this feeling of insecurity still last deep in my heart.

I am going through many changes in my life…
So , today post is about my covert thoughts.

I was suffering from cold fever …..and still I was working in office…. It was not that I had lot of work to do but then I have to complete my work any how.( if I could do all pending work.) But next day I became ill very badly …I hardly did any work.
I decided to take leave from work and I returned home  to my family.

After returning I was taking rest ,but my mind was still not in peace…. It was filled with all unnecessary thought..which also include his memories.
I don’t know why his thought came in my mind… May be because I was too much bore ; that I started writing an article  which, remind me of him.. Or ,may be because his memories are always part of  that unending disappointment.
* here ” his ” refers to a person(not so important  person) .
But still in depth of my heart I respect him because of those lessons which he taught me..

And then I saw something in FacebookI saw a sketch This sketch was made by him.. Yes he is a good artist… Another reason for my  adoring him secretly…
As I am also an amateur artist … I  always respect art.. But more than that I try to find feelings… Behind that art.


I have never been covert about my feelings.. So … I did what I felt.   And I liked it.👍… His sketch was really good…
I thought if… I could also make sketch like that… from my pen tab which was kept unused from one month..

I thought if I could ask – how does  he draw with such ease… My brain was very badly occupied with his  thought that I even dreamed about him.. that night..

Next morning when I wake up … the first thing I did was Facebook…. And once again I saw another sketch made by him…. This time I didn’t like it  … I don’t know why…  May be because I saw a feeling behind it… Instead I started reading all those comments with sketch… I  started searching for all those who all were tag  to that sketch….I don’t know why I was doing that….
He has drawn someone who is part of his life…
Why should I care too much…..

I too have move ahead…. But this feeling of insecurity still last deep in my heart.
Who ? cares about ,what I feel… Than why?
There are lot of things I still don’t understand…, I was really confused….
And   then I saw time in my phone…. It was 6 am in morning and I need to get up fast to get ready for work…. It was better to keep myself busy in work than ,thinking about some person who even don’t care if I exist..

I know I can’t escape many things in my life …but at least I am not hiding …


I know many of you readers will be confused….but to understand this post you have go through all my earlier post.

There are many people in my life…. Who just say they love me but never been there when I want them.
I remembered him because he was honest to me and rejected me in my face.

****16-9-16  Some things are least expected…..
I am sorry… If I am being too upfront about my thoughts & beliefs….

But this post is sincerely about my thought…. Not to offend someone….art…. life anything related….
Well…mujhe abhi kuch din phele hi pata chala hai ki log mera blog seriously read karte h😁😁🙌

Thanks to all readers !

Relation of Mismatch Love

For success full relation it is necessary to accept your partner’s drawbacks and if you respect him / her; it doesn’t matter what others think about you and your relationship.

Firstly I want to clear that this is not my story….it is about a person whom I have known from last 8 years. He is a random guy who is never seen serious and is kind of person I would never respect.

If you ask my opinion about him I would say –I never liked his behavior because of the kind impression he had on me is not good. But still today I thought to write a post about him so that I could make others understand that – how human behavior change with time and position.

I also want to explain that why I am writing about him because I need some people like this person himself who didn’t understand my perception that we should  understand and respect individual choice and views. Let call this person as X. (I don’t want to mention his name because it could cause lot of mess)

devil and angel01

So here is his story –

A few years back X proposed his high school classmate but his classmate rejected his proposal because she thought that X is highly immature and unfocused about his career.  I have also heard that when X got rejected he cried lot and was pleading for his puppy love .Which is unbelievable to think ,that a person like X can do. But the girl rejected him very rudely. I felt bad for X because I can understand how it is  to be rejected in love.

  When we were young ….specially when we were teens these kinds of things are common. But we hardly forget; who our first love was and we still feel the pain of rejection.

So now  X have also forgotten that rejection and now have moved on with a sweet girl. Even though I have never met her I could say her sweet and ignorant because she is with X (A kind of  person who is  not worthy of her).  When I heard this ,I was  eager to know how this thing (event) actually happened that a sweet girl fall for a person like X. Even though  I am surprised  with  their relation ,I respect  and  salute  the girl for  accepting  a person  with all his demerits  and merits.

For success full relation it is necessary to accept your partner’s drawbacks and if you respect him / her; it doesn’t matter what others think about you and your relationship.

PS :- X is lucky that he got a girl  who accepted him ….but  it is also X responsibility to put all his effort to main their relationship .(the future is unpredictable )

One thing more I would like to say that people like X always point on others and make jokes on other  without  understanding that earlier  they were in that similar position or could be in that position. It is easy to comment and go , but it is difficult to accept the reality and show .

Challenges and Being Single by choice.

I am tired  and sometimes I feel like saying ” I quit”,but I can’t leave everything so easily. After so much struggle I want some results whether  it is good or bad.

This was what I learned in past month . I thought I will never write next post after “feelings to Share” ,but look today I am doing it again. (Bad habit of expressing my distress.)

The past month of my life was like flood of changes and I drowned very badly enough. The numbers of events happened one after the other that I didn’t got chance to reveal my feeling of happiness or to cry on the irony of my fate.

1) I finally completed my post gradation degree in commerce.Rather feeling happy about it I am sad because the marks I got are not good . I got second division which is shocking for me. I was regular ,attentive and decent student all these years and result I got after this sincerity was like ….taking shit for your hard work. After seeing my marksheet I was more shocked  , the marks given in one of the paper  were totally unacceptable . When I asked the  faculty  about some kind mistake in printing marks ,they said to me  that I was  absent in this paper ,which was totally untrue . I wrote an application for inquiry and the result I got was that, there was actually mistake from commerce department in forwarding of marks. I requested for correction in marksheet and they said I have to wait for one month for new marksheet. I am tired of waiting because one month  is over and I still have no news.

Once in a week I go to college asking for my marksheet and they reply negative , this incident is about Sarojini Naidu PG autonomous college Bhopal , which is one the best college of the city. I mention college name because if you ever thought visiting this college … Please never go for its reputation. I have given my precious Five years to this college and in the end I am regretting it.



2) The second was good thing that happened . I took admission in design school or I should say an institutions which taught me to express myself in new way. I am learning to draw what I see around me. It’s like I am learning to read soul of people and things.  I am happy because finally I am doing something for my self. But the only problem is learning fees which is costly ; it’s difficult for me to pay fees  every month. Although my family can afford it, but it makes me feel guilty sometimes.

Do you think I should do some partime job rather than depending on my father’s income for fees.???

3) The last thing that happened was that I have stopped pretending of having a long distance relationship …

Yes, I am admitting it that I am solely single , and the person I was thinking to be my man is just another stranger whom I got to know, who made me feel like a good human being but not  good girlfriend or someone special. ( please don’t feel offended or cheated …if you read it. Because if we still have chances I don’t want  to ruined it or I think….

But by the  way you never read anything📄📄 .

PS: Yes, life is full of challenges . I am ready to taste it’s every flavour .

Being single by choice is right thing than getting stuck with wrong person .