Things have changed …life review.

Hello reader, it took me long time to write something ethical….

Well! I am very much busy these days because it’s financial year ending. Many of you might be thinking what connection I am having with finance, so let me remind you that I am still working as trainee accountant….. And yes! I am still stuck…..although I don’t hate my job now….because now I have got use to it.

These days i am living alone…. and I don’t have a single human being around me  during times when I need them…. I am actually talking about my family and friends.

I don’t know what feelings are as I have turned into a robot who knows only about her works…

But I am enjoying this alone solitude time…..because no one cares whether I am sleeping or awake…..whether dying or living …I can do anything ….even dance naked !(just kidding…..but its truth )

I am living on my own….still lazy…..in cooking. (The reason I still want my mother to be with me is food because… I can’t cook well.)

These days music is my best friend…..it still helping me to survive.

I listen and download a new tracks everyday…. and I have become huge fan of Asian dramas which include Japan, Taiwanese, Thai, Korean Indian mix videos are my favorite…. Korean/Thai actors are really very cute and handsome….

I have prepared a list of series to see every day during my spare time…

  1. Full house Korean/Thai
  2. Playful kiss/ kiss me
  3. My little lover
  4. The girl and three sweethearts.

And there are more to watch….

Now about my personal love trouble….

I can’t love someone more than myself…I have learn this about myself…..

Going through one sided relationship doesn’t give much more than pain.

Although this time it was not hard because I was not serious from very beginning … I have already told vikas….my first preference is my career and my family which exactly same from his side for his family and himself.

I didn’t have much chance to know him…and yes! I am not ashamed to take his name….no code V this time.

It was not a serious  kind…of l0ve relationship…..just a trial date….which took….five years to understand that we couldn’t go together.

I know he will be annoyed ….but now who cares…. I am already a spoil brat.

I know describing your personal relationship in public is highly immature and a big stupidity…. but you know what ….my heart is really itching ….and I can’t control.

He compared himself with someone who was….

I can’t disclose…much ….it my fault and I am taking blame on my self….

I believe him as good friend…. and may be after reading all these things he may not consider me as one.

I do not hate him ….it’s that things have not gone far between us and I am thankful….

My last poem “thank god we never kissed” was dedicated to him….

PS…By the way vikas….if you are reading this….. I am sorry for mentioning you in public.

One sketch… and my thoughts.

I too have move ahead…. But this feeling of insecurity still last deep in my heart.

I am going through many changes in my life…
So , today post is about my covert thoughts.

I was suffering from cold fever …..and still I was working in office…. It was not that I had lot of work to do but then I have to complete my work any how.( if I could do all pending work.) But next day I became ill very badly …I hardly did any work.
I decided to take leave from work and I returned home  to my family.

After returning I was taking rest ,but my mind was still not in peace…. It was filled with all unnecessary thought..which also include his memories.
I don’t know why his thought came in my mind… May be because I was too much bore ; that I started writing an article  which, remind me of him.. Or ,may be because his memories are always part of  that unending disappointment.
* here ” his ” refers to a person(not so important  person) .
But still in depth of my heart I respect him because of those lessons which he taught me..

And then I saw something in FacebookI saw a sketch This sketch was made by him.. Yes he is a good artist… Another reason for my  adoring him secretly…
As I am also an amateur artist … I  always respect art.. But more than that I try to find feelings… Behind that art.

image

I have never been covert about my feelings.. So … I did what I felt.   And I liked it.👍… His sketch was really good…
I thought if… I could also make sketch like that… from my pen tab which was kept unused from one month..

I thought if I could ask – how does  he draw with such ease… My brain was very badly occupied with his  thought that I even dreamed about him.. that night..

Next morning when I wake up … the first thing I did was Facebook…. And once again I saw another sketch made by him…. This time I didn’t like it  … I don’t know why…  May be because I saw a feeling behind it… Instead I started reading all those comments with sketch… I  started searching for all those who all were tag  to that sketch….I don’t know why I was doing that….
He has drawn someone who is part of his life…
Why should I care too much…..

I too have move ahead…. But this feeling of insecurity still last deep in my heart.
Who ? cares about ,what I feel… Than why?
There are lot of things I still don’t understand…, I was really confused….
And   then I saw time in my phone…. It was 6 am in morning and I need to get up fast to get ready for work…. It was better to keep myself busy in work than ,thinking about some person who even don’t care if I exist..

I know I can’t escape many things in my life …but at least I am not hiding …

PS:-

I know many of you readers will be confused….but to understand this post you have go through all my earlier post.

There are many people in my life…. Who just say they love me but never been there when I want them.
I remembered him because he was honest to me and rejected me in my face.

****16-9-16  Some things are least expected…..
I am sorry… If I am being too upfront about my thoughts & beliefs….

But this post is sincerely about my thought…. Not to offend someone….art…. life anything related….
Well…mujhe abhi kuch din phele hi pata chala hai ki log mera blog seriously read karte h😁😁🙌

Thanks to all readers !