My life Progress 

A lot of things have also change in my personal life also… 

A lot of time we turn back to see how much ahead we have come.

A week before I once again started dating …and I know he (my secret boyfriend) feels it too….but he is little shy. 
https://anelife16.blogspot.in/2017/05/my-life-and-progression.html

Korean love stories made me draw

Things have changed …life review.

Hello reader, it took me long time to write something ethical….

Well! I am very much busy these days because it’s financial year ending. Many of you might be thinking what connection I am having with finance, so let me remind you that I am still working as trainee accountant….. And yes! I am still stuck…..although I don’t hate my job now….because now I have got use to it.

These days i am living alone…. and I don’t have a single human being around me  during times when I need them…. I am actually talking about my family and friends.

I don’t know what feelings are as I have turned into a robot who knows only about her works…

But I am enjoying this alone solitude time…..because no one cares whether I am sleeping or awake…..whether dying or living …I can do anything ….even dance naked !(just kidding…..but its truth )

I am living on my own….still lazy…..in cooking. (The reason I still want my mother to be with me is food because… I can’t cook well.)

These days music is my best friend…..it still helping me to survive.

I listen and download a new tracks everyday…. and I have become huge fan of Asian dramas which include Japan, Taiwanese, Thai, Korean Indian mix videos are my favorite…. Korean/Thai actors are really very cute and handsome….

I have prepared a list of series to see every day during my spare time…

  1. Full house Korean/Thai
  2. Playful kiss/ kiss me
  3. My little lover
  4. The girl and three sweethearts.

And there are more to watch….

Now about my personal love trouble….

I can’t love someone more than myself…I have learn this about myself…..

Going through one sided relationship doesn’t give much more than pain.

Although this time it was not hard because I was not serious from very beginning … I have already told vikas….my first preference is my career and my family which exactly same from his side for his family and himself.

I didn’t have much chance to know him…and yes! I am not ashamed to take his name….no code V this time.

It was not a serious  kind…of l0ve relationship…..just a trial date….which took….five years to understand that we couldn’t go together.

I know he will be annoyed ….but now who cares…. I am already a spoil brat.

I know describing your personal relationship in public is highly immature and a big stupidity…. but you know what ….my heart is really itching ….and I can’t control.

He compared himself with someone who was….

I can’t disclose…much ….it my fault and I am taking blame on my self….

I believe him as good friend…. and may be after reading all these things he may not consider me as one.

I do not hate him ….it’s that things have not gone far between us and I am thankful….

My last poem “thank god we never kissed” was dedicated to him….

PS…By the way vikas….if you are reading this….. I am sorry for mentioning you in public.

In real you don’t exist.!

In real you don’t exist.

I never got chance to hold you.!… To say “you are mine!”

Never got chance to “To just rest my head on your shoulder and cry…. Or pull your ears and laugh!”

Never ever I have ever hug you like my own personal toy…
Because you were never there…. You were just … My imagination!

In real you don’t exist!

Relationship Confusions

My life is turning into drama… Where I don’t know what next is going to happen…. Its so unpredictable! And I don’t know what I should do about it.I don’t have single close person who could just hear me…

So this is what actually happen…. 

In one of my previous post title one sketch and my thoughts . I post about- how my thoughts are occupied with thoughts of a person(lets call him- AT  for  less confusion.) I was editing /drafting  that post …2 days before my birthday.

(so obviously I don’t know whats going to happen on my birthday.)

Everybody have some expectations on their birthdays…. But my only expectations was people who  are close to me remember my birthday.. Without the Facebook alert/notification…

And  I did got wishes….. AT was one them who wished me… 

I was like “OMG ! He knows my birthday date…”

When I was expecting birthday wishes from many  persons I didn’t expected him ..

I know …how wrong i was about him…I mean …I can’t change our past. But I also know…things are not same now.

I started comparison…. Comparison between AT and the person I am secretly dating..for 4/3 year. (lets call him Vx ).

 Vx was not able to wish me  because of some reason.   I was really upset…  

I was Questioning about my commitment!  “Is Vx  is right person for me? ” ( The fact is I am still questioning…. Because we have not talked for months    )   ” does he care, if i don’t talk to him?” 

And nowadays Vx is totally absent from my life…

I want to talk to him , want to make him  realise my frustration . But then I know he will not stop me from going away…because i have tried it many times…and every time I was the one who comes back to convince !

The fact is this time i am not even bothering him(Vx)…for keeping up this relations … Even if it  hurts ,which is better than feeling   sorry for yourself later.

Sometimes i feel maybe its my fault, because i am too much obsessed with AT ….that i didn’t able to give time to Vx.

I also feel that long distance relationship doesn’t last long unless ,both persons give their 100% efforts.. To maintain their relationship.

 i am too much confused…

I am at that point of my life where I want Stability in relationships….less drama and confusion.

I don’t want a relationships where i have too break someone heart or someone breaks my hope( because my heart is already broken twice 💔💔)
So this time my questions  to my reader…..

  1. Have you  ever been in this  Type of confusion where you don’t know what you should do?
  2. Have you ever misunderstood situations between you and your partner?
  3. If yes, how do you solve  your problems  ?
  4. What does it take to maintain a good relationship between you and your partner?
  5. If given chance do you want change your past mistake?
  6. Will You easily quit and move on ? ( I tried this once… But I am still there!)
  7. Will  you break up easily, if  you find .. Your life with  your partner is not going anywhere,? Or you put more efforts… To make it work,

PS :-Many of my well wishers suggested me that I should not discuss my personal problem in social sites… These well wishers don’t see my point of view.This blog is actually about my life .  I write blog post about those stories which actually happen in real life... Situations which can happen with anyone… 

Well!  I don’t care if people feel offended. I am not writing for them. I am doing it for myself.

For my satisfaction… 

So, I don‘t think I should explain more to them

date:- 18-10-16 


BigBigBigBig Big  Sharks and  a tiny fish.

You don’t ,know when your words cuts your own neck !

Have you ever thought what it is to  “live , like a fish”…?  

Well I too.. have never thought…,how fish live its life…only I used to sing that nursery rhythm – “Maachli jal ki raani hai..and jivan usaka paani hai”

But if ; now I want to give a metaphor about my current life situations…I find nothing more better than a fish life.

These  days I am struggling a lot. Some times I ..even feel helpless…. Like a fish who have to live in ocean with all kind of dangers.

I am that kind of tiny fish who have to fight and swim hard for it survival…. There are lot of Sharks   in my world… Who are danger and I have to use tricks to save my self….

There are friendly fishes too…. But unless we don’t have to fight for same food…   

Most of you  will not understand what I meant when I am saying these things-“unless you are working in corporate business office or in Govt. Offices.”

You don’t know  what  running in other persons mind when they approach you…until you see their true interest.

I have to think too much before  speaking up….

You don’t know, when your words cuts your own neck !

PS:- The best part is I am learning….even though somethings are tough. But it also mean I am becoming strong because no other options are left.

One sketch… and my thoughts.

I too have move ahead…. But this feeling of insecurity still last deep in my heart.

I am going through many changes in my life…
So , today post is about my covert thoughts.

I was suffering from cold fever …..and still I was working in office…. It was not that I had lot of work to do but then I have to complete my work any how.( if I could do all pending work.) But next day I became ill very badly …I hardly did any work.
I decided to take leave from work and I returned home  to my family.

After returning I was taking rest ,but my mind was still not in peace…. It was filled with all unnecessary thought..which also include his memories.
I don’t know why his thought came in my mind… May be because I was too much bore ; that I started writing an article  which, remind me of him.. Or ,may be because his memories are always part of  that unending disappointment.
* here ” his ” refers to a person(not so important  person) .
But still in depth of my heart I respect him because of those lessons which he taught me..

And then I saw something in FacebookI saw a sketch This sketch was made by him.. Yes he is a good artist… Another reason for my  adoring him secretly…
As I am also an amateur artist … I  always respect art.. But more than that I try to find feelings… Behind that art.

image

I have never been covert about my feelings.. So … I did what I felt.   And I liked it.👍… His sketch was really good…
I thought if… I could also make sketch like that… from my pen tab which was kept unused from one month..

I thought if I could ask – how does  he draw with such ease… My brain was very badly occupied with his  thought that I even dreamed about him.. that night..

Next morning when I wake up … the first thing I did was Facebook…. And once again I saw another sketch made by him…. This time I didn’t like it  … I don’t know why…  May be because I saw a feeling behind it… Instead I started reading all those comments with sketch… I  started searching for all those who all were tag  to that sketch….I don’t know why I was doing that….
He has drawn someone who is part of his life…
Why should I care too much…..

I too have move ahead…. But this feeling of insecurity still last deep in my heart.
Who ? cares about ,what I feel… Than why?
There are lot of things I still don’t understand…, I was really confused….
And   then I saw time in my phone…. It was 6 am in morning and I need to get up fast to get ready for work…. It was better to keep myself busy in work than ,thinking about some person who even don’t care if I exist..

I know I can’t escape many things in my life …but at least I am not hiding …

PS:-

I know many of you readers will be confused….but to understand this post you have go through all my earlier post.

There are many people in my life…. Who just say they love me but never been there when I want them.
I remembered him because he was honest to me and rejected me in my face.

****16-9-16  Some things are least expected…..
I am sorry… If I am being too upfront about my thoughts & beliefs….

But this post is sincerely about my thought…. Not to offend someone….art…. life anything related….
Well…mujhe abhi kuch din phele hi pata chala hai ki log mera blog seriously read karte h😁😁🙌

Thanks to all readers !

Complete 25 years of life

I am getting older ….
And some times I feel life sucks.

I don’t feel very happy today…..
Well !  I feel bit sad…., because life is changing …
I am getting older ….
And some times I feel life sucks.

This month is very special for me ,but as I have said earlier I am not as much excited as I used to be in  previous years of my life.
I have started living separately from my family… And I miss them… It’s all  because of my job and adjustments through which I have to go.   For few days I asked my parents to come and stay with me …but they can’t stay with me always. I have to become   independent they say…
And I have to go through this loneliness …sometimes things feel good and sometimes frustrated.

I have to live and survive… I have to enjoy what is actually life is about.
image

PS: I want to become independent woman… But I don’t know how to face problems… alone.
I want to ask every independent woman out their…. about their experiences …please do reply if you read.

Can we be friends again?

No foul games…
Even no breakings of hearts again!

Just the way we use to be friends …

Could we be friends again,
Can we forget what was between us…
Like nothing had ever happened.
And then I can smile at you…
So, that you can talk to me…

No misunderstandings,
No foul games…
Even no breakings of hearts again!

Just the way we use to be friends …
Sharing trust..and moments together,
Like old days we remember.

Can we be friends again?

image

PS :- having a friend who can listen to you is a gift… And I miss that gift…. Some one who argue with you ,but also listens and understands your every word which you say and not say.
Dedicated.

New life

New life ,new job

Life is full of surprises ….

Now here is my monthly update… … (March)

Many times we think nothing new is happening ….. And you think life is so boring. But then suddenly everything changes … would you be able to accept those changes?

This is happening with me….

If you have read my blogs earlier  , you might have read that – I was unemployed …. Which means I didn’t have job . But last month I cleared a job interview. And now I am accepted for job…  Yes I am going through my first job jitters. I am very much in confusion about everything….. Well, I am going to join a new place. Become part of new work family. But I am still nervous about it.

I have to face new challenges…… and my biggest challenge is Hindi language. Yes, I can speak it and also write it.  But I am not fluent in it.

The second biggest challenge is accounts…. Yes, I have to work in accounts department  ….. One of my weakest subject or I should say “the subject which hates me ”.

And the third challenge is I am the only female  staff officer … other than sweeper. This means, they (staff members) would not fully understand my problems.

I know things are going to change … and I am going to learn new things. I have to prepare… but I can’t forget how I am. What’s my nature is , I am still that 24 year old pampered  daughter  of my father and mother. I am still that lazy bug of my sister … I am still that crazy idiot girl of my colony. I am still that amateur digital painter. I am me….and how could I change.

Ps: _ I am suddenly feeling so grownup.  I am having some new responsibilities.  But  I am preparing for it.

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