तो कैसे हो तुम । मुझे माफ करना मुझे ऐसे ओपन लेटर नहीं लिखना चाहिए। पर असल में मैं यह लेटर सिर्फ तुम्हें नहीं लिख रही ।तुम्हारे जरिए अपनी भावनाओं को पूरी दुनिया को किसी न किसी तरीके से बताना चाहती हुँ। किसी को भी अपनी निजी जिंदगी के बारे में कभी इस तरह नहीं कहना चाहिए। पर यह तो सिर्फ एक लेख है जिसमें मुझ जैसे व्यक्ति अपनी भावनाओं को कहानियों और लेखों के जरिए जाहिर करते हैं। इसलिए मैं तुम्हें एक ओपन पत्र लिख रही हूँ। ताकि इस लेटर के जरिए मेरी कुछ बातें दुनिया वालों तक पहुँच सके। पिछले दिनों से मैंने बहुत कुछ जाना ।और आज मेरी सोच ऐसी है, की अब मुझे लोगों को देखकर डर नहीं लगता । please click link below👇 for more reading… It is link to original blog post.
What do you think a girl does when she had a heart break?
At that moment what I did was this-I shut myself from the world outside for three days. Yes, when your heart is broken you are unable to face the person who broke your heart, but more than that you are unable to face the world happiness. It becomes too much for you to hide your inside feelings. So, I shut myself.
I pretended to my family that I am extremely busy and I would not come out of my room. But there was a person who knows I was faking it; my elder sister who is my roommate got fed up seeing me in room. She even started taunting me saying “why the witch hasn’t come out of her layer?”
When I didn’t respond to her taunting she just got more annoyed and finally she dragged me out of room so that I could not disturb her privacy. See how? To save her privacy she took all my solitude time, without knowing that I was all broken inside.I had no place to go after that heart breaking thing because I disconnected myself from Anju; whom I thought as my loyal friend .
If you all are wondering who Anju is? Or you are reading my blog post for first time let me give you brief recap of the story of my life. Anju is one of my close friends who live in my neighborhood. She became my quick friend and was very loyal to me. I had crush on some cute boy in my neighborhood and when I expressed him my feelings it was revealed to me that he actually like Anju my best friend. So, I disconnected myself from Anju who was my only loyal friend.
I was crying inside and had no place to go…So I sat on house terrace to see how it feels to see outside world after three days. It was mid summer evening so all children were playing in open ground outside my house, they were happy because it was summer vacations.
While I was reasoning myself why I was sad? Why I was feeling alone?
The answer was that I have no one to share my grudge and the only friend whom I trusted was now my competitor. A person whom I trusted so long with my feelings and now who was just someone who is more attractive than me ,because she is liked by my own crush.
I was all in my land of thoughts that who was sitting beside me ,I was not aware. Then suddenly a hand touched my shoulder and pulled me out of my wonderland. That hand belongs to Anju; seeing her at that moment I thought maybe I was still daydreaming and she woke me by saying “what’s up girl? Why didn’t you come to my house?”
She was still in misrepresentation that after that incident when my own crush made me feel embarrassed saying that she was much better than me. Does she believe that, I would be able friendly with her? I ignored her questions and instead I asked her when she came and why can’t she come to meet me earlier if she missed me.
Anju did have some hint from my sarcastic answer and looked down as if I caught her lying to me. She remained silent for a moment as she was waiting for me to say something and I did said “do you as well like him?” I wanted to know since when she was lying to me about her relation with that boy. Because according to him I was fool, so I wanted to know that since when I was been made fool about this fake friendship and puppy love.
Anju said she was sorry because she should have told me earlier about the feelings my crush was having for her. Actually she known it from very beginning that I like that boy and when she tried to gave him hint about my feelings, the boy got misunderstandings that she like him and thus the boy also started liking her.
I tried to understand her situation because previously I have only asked her to help me in expressing my feelings. But I still doubted her and again I said to her “it’s OK, if she liked him. I will accept it, but if not than she need to clear his misunderstanding.” She said she don’t see him more than a friend. And I could see that genuineness in her words because I trusted her.
That day we became friends again and I found the lost happiness of friendship.
Thus this whole situation created a lots of misunderstandings, because we were in that age of life when little things affect you more than what you actually thought they can do. I understood that day the way you feel for other may not be same as other feel for you. For example, I thought Anju abandon me because of that boy but actually I was the one who was trying to end it because of jealously.
We all need friends in life. Friends are those who accept you for whatever you are, they are the ones with whom you share your happiness and your sorrows. True friends are hardly seen in this world. But whenever you get them never lose them.
I have a Chaddi buddyfriend; well not actual chaddi buddyfriend but a friend who actually looked me when I was miserable.
This is about how actually I met her and how we had our friendship.
She lives in my neighborhood and I knew her as my senior. Yes we studied in same school but in different standard.
Firstly living in same colony doesn’t mean you identify every kid and I was such a rough minded kid that I never approach any one by myself. She approached me and I just said okay to it.
Days passed and we became close, our relation became so complementary. It was like “ek ke sath dursra free”. Nobody could separate us.
She was more talented than me, she could dance, and she could sing and even paint and draw. I always try to copy her and wanted to be like her. This is where I lack behind.
When you had a beauty some people always try to spoil it. Same thing happened with our friendship.
We were growing teens and obviously we had some crushes. Such secrets that we share with our best friend. Mine was cute boy who also lived in our neighborhood and was one of the common friends. I shared every feelings I had for him with my best friend. She was so loyal to me that she always keeps my secrets.
One day I decided to tell my crush about my feelings for him and I asked my friend that will she help me and she said “yes”. I never asked her about her feelings or the way she thought about boys.
When I said about my feelings to my crush my friend was with me like my backbone. But ever thing got destroyed with his “no”. He said he didn’t feel the same for me and actually had feelings for my best friend.
Now like every normal girl I was jealous and shattered by it. I didn’t take it well. My friend became my competitor. I just wanted to prove myself better from her . And thus I broke all the melody between us.
There’s a lot more …I need add to it ,but I will continue later…..till than wait for my next post.
**** PS: – It was my big mistake at that time and there is lot more bitterness that I actually had and still hiding.But I miss that friendship we had.I wanted every thing like before, but sometimes things can’t be change.
“How could you be stupid to tell her our group plan?”
“No yaar! Trust me. I haven’t told her anything important of our plan.”
“No we couldn’t trust you anymore.”
“What! You think I have betrayed all of you.”
These questions run all the time in my mind. They don’t trust me any longer.
YES! Trust is the key of every relation you share……well! Love is another element, but trust is something which is needed between everything.
I was in class 7th, when l learned what trust is and what betrayal can do to your life. It was interclass chart making competition, a competition organized every year by school. But this year competition pattern was different. This year it was a group completion where different group will be competing against each other.
I thought that I and my friends will be in one group but teachers played their masterful game. We were selected randomly and were put in different groups. No friends are in one group.
The concept of teachers behind this arrangement was that we will be able to work as team and no one be leftover. It was bullshit for me. When we don’t know each other properly how will we work together? But you know teachers are always teacher they wanted to do some new management experiment with us. Obviously we have do work for marks and grades in school. Everyone was eager and excited. Questions were asked like how? Where and when?
The rules were given:- 1) Every person in group will do some task. 2) Stationary will be arranged by students. 3) Only one team will be winner.
The competition day declared and preparation was being done by every team in free periods. I my team there was – Ayushi, Neha, Varsha, Poorva and me. Everyone put their ideas and skill in project, there was lot of work which I was doing like drawing chart and arranging colors. This completion have transform class environment into some battlefield. Everyone was getting ready for war. Especially it change friendship!
I was friend with Prati; we were good buddies who share everything about school gossips. That time when it was war in class I thought we are still friends who share gossips. I was fool to think so!
Prati was secretly making conspiracy of which I was not aware . I was friendly with her as usual and like a fool I braged about my role as drawing artist and material being used. But I never mentioned anything about plans and things we are going do draw. There was only general talk about everything. I thought she is being casual with me as usual but I was not aware how sheepishly she was making me a duffer.
Next day when everyone in my team was working, including me. Prati with her team leader came to my team face to face.
The scene was of like in movies where two opposite parties confronting each other. I thought maybe they were there just distracting us from competition, but no! They were there to mock me actually. There team leader Gunjan said- “Ayushi, I didn’t knew that you were so stupid to give so much responsibility to such a member of your team who talk big about your plan with my team member.”
Ayushi-“I don’t know what are you talking about and none of my team member is such swank.”
Gunjan –“Actually I am talking about Anema. We all knew she is good at drawing but we didn’t know that she is so efficient that you gave her all things to do. We are glad we have some very alert members like Prati who always keep their ears open and are loyal towards their team.”
When everyone hear what Gunjan said about me.They started looking me with dagger eyes. I knew I have committed mistake by trusting Prati whom I believed as loyal friend of mine. I put forward my side of truth but they didn’t believe me. That day I was unofficially dump out of team .But I was still in because they don’t have right of putting me out of team without class teacher permission as I was selected by class teacher.
At that time I really wanted to thrash Prati on face, because she broke my trust as friend for just a silly competition. Winning is not always one should think of. On the day of competition ever y team gave their best except mine, because I was there ……but still not there in it. They ignored me as if I am not present in team. I tried to help them but they just call me dishonest. When the team loss,they blamed me…. I said- “Yap! I did. Karo ab jo karna hai.” One thing happened well that neither Prati’s team was winner of competition. She did all this just to win competition but that day she loosed two things – Competition and my trust.
This incident taught me two lessons of life- 1) Never trust your friend who is also your competitor because they are jealous. 2) Working in team needs trust and understanding.
Ps: – This story is inspired by small incident of my life.It’s not fully true …..Specially the name’s and character in the story.