MY B’Day diary 

Saale kisi ko bhi mera birthday Yaad nhi)  Facebook main alert ka wait kyu karte hai.

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One whole day/ night  and some truth.

Ok I don’t know how many of you will going read this…but this post is  actually about my views towards life. I am writing this post at 10:40…pm at eve of my birthday…which means after just few hour l will be 26yr. 

When I write 26…I actually feel awkward as it mean l am 26yr old person but by heart I am just 15…I am still trying to sort out things… well about statement which I made about my heart being 15 is utter lie… I am actually 26yr  and I also think like 26yr…but sometimes I behave like 10 years 😆😆.

Ok let just come to main subject of my post… I was thinking that when we grow up we start knowing people and how one person could be different from other…

Last year, I was feeling little low about how my life is now totally changed and I am left alone. 

This year the ..thing is ; I want to hide…because I don’t want to meet anyone new …I have started hating actual world…..
I see truth of life…and I feel everything thing is vain. 

There are reasons behind such feelings. 

A man gets married because,  he wants cook /maid/wife/ for himself.  Means woman is still secondary element.

A woman gets married because she don’t want to be single for life time and want a  ATM  …who should support her and her family and still want to live her life like free woman. 

A boss is always right…a even though we know sometimes he is wrong . (By his thought) 

People know about your difficulty ;but can’t help you because ,they don’t want to and want to be safe

Money is every thing…it make wrong people,right. 

You can’t help others unless you help yourself. 


Above points are some bitter truth I recently observed…and there are more…. but you know I am lazy in explaining everything  . It just that I  know; I have to live life this way…I can turn things better only when I turn them good for me. 

And what about the other half of my life….like what about my love interest, my family etc…

The things are good means I am not thinking too deeply now a days….because one day everyone has to die

7 AM 

I slept…..it’s morning now. And it’s my birthday! Yes, I am waiting for my birthday wishes. My colleagues  have no idea about my birthday…wondering whether I should treat them or not. 

It depends whether they know about it or not..

In fact  my own father had not wished me…but he loves me and that’s why he is living with me.

Which reminds me something which my boss said-“ when you go home(room)? Do You cook  your own meal??” it was a question. Because he knows I don’t know how to cook properly. 

Then it suddenly strike in my head “why is it expected that woman should  always be  good @cooking or should know how to cook”.

I could have said something witty, but as usual   I smile and said “my father helps me to cook ”.

Why don’t these men (Men who don’t believe in equity ) understand that the  world is changing. Household responsibilities are not only for women but also for men.

12 PM 

Guess what? Not a good day so far.

I got wishes from my mom and one of sister friend whom I consider as sister. But no wishes from my friends…although they are liking my profile pic in Facebook. 😆😆iss ke alwa bhi kuch karate nhi. 

1:30 pm 

Dozing like anything…

I want to leave.. but😜 I can’t leave my work  .

10:PM 

I am finally at home with My family. I back to myself….

So, it’s ending of the day… almost end of birthday and still waiting for more(or less expected once ) wishes   … may be tomorrow some confused people will wish me…I realize even if I try too much; it’s  hard to create my place in their heart.  I don’t worth it.   So for those who still think about me and care for me. I am  there in hearts. 😏😶. I love them…they know.

P.S.1 I hate my so called crush, boyfriend, and friends (Saale kisi ko bhi mera birthday Yaad nhi)  Facebook main alert ka wait kyu karte hai.😛😛😛

P.S. 2 I am actually feeling bad and I wish I could say something mean to them.  

Things have changed …life review.

Hello reader, it took me long time to write something ethical….

Well! I am very much busy these days because it’s financial year ending. Many of you might be thinking what connection I am having with finance, so let me remind you that I am still working as trainee accountant….. And yes! I am still stuck…..although I don’t hate my job now….because now I have got use to it.

These days i am living alone…. and I don’t have a single human being around me  during times when I need them…. I am actually talking about my family and friends.

I don’t know what feelings are as I have turned into a robot who knows only about her works…

But I am enjoying this alone solitude time…..because no one cares whether I am sleeping or awake…..whether dying or living …I can do anything ….even dance naked !(just kidding…..but its truth )

I am living on my own….still lazy…..in cooking. (The reason I still want my mother to be with me is food because… I can’t cook well.)

These days music is my best friend…..it still helping me to survive.

I listen and download a new tracks everyday…. and I have become huge fan of Asian dramas which include Japan, Taiwanese, Thai, Korean Indian mix videos are my favorite…. Korean/Thai actors are really very cute and handsome….

I have prepared a list of series to see every day during my spare time…

  1. Full house Korean/Thai
  2. Playful kiss/ kiss me
  3. My little lover
  4. The girl and three sweethearts.

And there are more to watch….

Now about my personal love trouble….

I can’t love someone more than myself…I have learn this about myself…..

Going through one sided relationship doesn’t give much more than pain.

Although this time it was not hard because I was not serious from very beginning … I have already told vikas….my first preference is my career and my family which exactly same from his side for his family and himself.

I didn’t have much chance to know him…and yes! I am not ashamed to take his name….no code V this time.

It was not a serious  kind…of l0ve relationship…..just a trial date….which took….five years to understand that we couldn’t go together.

I know he will be annoyed ….but now who cares…. I am already a spoil brat.

I know describing your personal relationship in public is highly immature and a big stupidity…. but you know what ….my heart is really itching ….and I can’t control.

He compared himself with someone who was….

I can’t disclose…much ….it my fault and I am taking blame on my self….

I believe him as good friend…. and may be after reading all these things he may not consider me as one.

I do not hate him ….it’s that things have not gone far between us and I am thankful….

My last poem “thank god we never kissed” was dedicated to him….

PS…By the way vikas….if you are reading this….. I am sorry for mentioning you in public.

the way you smile!

Yes ,the way you smile! and than …there my heart stuck with that little feeling .

For so many days I just wanted one glimpse of you,
You know how secretly I admire you,
Try to get attention from you.
It’s not that; I don’t have guts to accept my feelings for you!
But I don’t want my feelings to be crushed under your attitude’s !
You are so much occupied by your ego, materialism and your standards.
But wait …. These things make you happy… And I could see you Smile.
Yes ,the way you smile! and than …there my heart stuck with that little feeling .

PS:-
I can say sorry instead….
But I think this  is much better explanation.😛

Lastly , I  am still broken by words and you know what i want to say.