Clothes with Good memories

I am not a girl / woman who had lots of privileges during her childhood.But yes ! whatever it was ,it have lots of good memories. 

Today was my work off , and I was home with my family. When you grow up   ,you can’t escape from responsibilities. Well , I am still youngest member in my family but ,I have my part of responsibilities. I do little bit household work and in Indian culture being Girl ,and knowing household work is mandatory . (I rebel sometimes) but i have to do my personal work like arranging wardrobe.

My mother asked me to do it in morning , because  I was feeling lazy , I thought to do it in  afternoon  before she knocked my room door .

I put out all my clothes on my bed so that I could arrange them in systematic order( old and new ). 

I didnt knew I was arranging bundle of memories ….From the time of innocence to time of being responsible. From being teen to a woman. I was time traveling.

Every Shirt, skirt, pants and dress I have wore had so many memories.  My first date , first crush , picnic , birthdays ,family and friends,love life . I cherished everything in that one moment.

For a time I was stuck in that time. I wished I could wear them and travel to the time when those things happened.

But the reality was bitter , I have to keep them aside . 

I closed my wardrobe and sat thinking about it . May be new clothes will bring new memories.

Ending 2016 and end of innocence

Another year ending…. With lot of memories . Some are good and some just make you cry. I never thought this year will end like this…

How should I describe…. A totally turning point of my life . It just that things have changed so much in a single year… I can’t turn back. Being strong is only option. A bigger challenge!

Let’s count changed things

  • I have too leave my hobby of animation.
  • I have no trustworthy friend ( still not sure).
  • I have to be responsible for my deeds. (No kidding ).
  • I am single for Sure .(Because my boyfriend doesn’t even know I am his girlfriend)😛😛
  • No more grudge ( sab ko maaf kiya), even though I still wonder how I can kill them.
  • Holding a respective position in office,but still lost in some way.( I still dont like my job).
  • I am not same any more ,living life full of solitude .

Just thinking what else now… When I know …what I want…. From life.

Peace in heart and life . 

Just thinking  if I will get married next year (Ha Ha😁😁 still kidding ! 

Kiss under misletoe

why this idiot boy don’t understand ?” .

Christmas night Short love story(in hindi) 

(for हिंदी  रीडर click the लिंक)

Everyone were Dancing and Singing with happiness. It was Chirstmas night.

They both were dancing hand in hand , matching beat to beat. And Suddenly a romantic song started playing , thus they separated themselves from dance floor. GIRL moved to a corner and sat on a chair, BOY moved and stand beside her. GIRL asked BOY to come closer with help of indication. As the boy bend closer and put his ear near girl face so that he could hear her , She said ” I love you” and very lightly her lips touched his cheek . The Boy said “I think I am getting more mad after dancing.”As if he didn’t heard what she said  and he moved to dance floor once again.

The Girl saw him moving in dance floor and thought “why this idiot boy don’t understand ?” . And she too moved after him in dance floor.

Some day I will be Married

It’s Marriage Season everywhere in India

Marriage

and I am…

I should tell whole story first from my point of view…. (Obviously I don’t know his )

On 8-11-16 morning… I asked him will he marry me? (This was the question running in my mind from so many days…. ) I thought  he would say yes! (May be not in serious way but …to make me sure and satisfied for a while ) because I was not chatting with him properly and there were some of my reasons… But you know what ! I didn’t knew it was a changing day of my life.

Til 8 pm he didn’t reply…. And suddenly PM Modi announced demonetization of 1000rs  and 500rs note …… It was big news all over India. I thought may be because of this news he is not answering…

I waited whole month…..

I didn’t even called him (my Ego….yes ! I have a big one.)

 This time I wanted to see it… Whether he is really interested in me.. Or just faking around.

And you know..then  I lost my patience ,I don’t even bother now … Because he didn’t replied till now… 

I have seen many heart breaks … But this one was like …without any noise!

Its December month and hearing news of your batch mate marriage … Make me think have I become eligible for marriage…

Yes!, it just feel like I am left behind… But I am not ready yet… (With this broken heart… No! Not now..)

I will be married…. In future , some way happy. May be with someone who would accept me with my defaults.

But  for now enjoy who you are!, How you are! 



Escaping the reality

Many times I have thought about life. And whenever I think too deeply about life…. I am actually disappointed!

I got three days holiday this week….. I was happy that for three days ,I won’t be  thinking about my boring burden work….

I decided I will do what gives me happiness…..

People get happiness in doing their favourite things… Meeting their friends and eating good food! (Actually this what people usually do.)

But if you ask about my favourite things …I will say…. I want to Sleep…I want to spend my day doing nothing…. I want to spend my day seeing movies …with good stories. And eat food what ever I could easily get.

You may think I am bore or very lazy person…. But it’s not like that .Actually I am tired of my reality…. In these 6 months I have seen many changes…

I have seen how people change, situation and feelings change…. All these things happened after I got job…

A very boring,but responsible job.

I have left with very less choice… I mean when I was job less , I spend my time with friends, reading books and preparing my self for job.

After getting job… I am not in touch with my friends….no time for hobbies… And I am always  tensed… Like what would happen….. I am worried about consequences…. I actually hate my job…. I am  doing it to support my family.

I am totally single….. Because I am confused with my relationship status….

The person i am dating,( for whom I should have feelings)….. I don’t have feelings ..for him sometimes!

I used  to have crush on someone else from my teen times and I still  feel those jitters…till now.

I don’t want to be in love anymore….. But I love idea of getting married…Every thing about marriage.. Except that I am not mature enough to handle anything.

I have no person to advise me…..( And I am afraid I have to goto office…. Because it’s my last of holiday. This is the only feeling I get every Monday)

PS: I never choose this way of living… But I choose hard work.

You know nothing is simple….. (Post edited on 14-11-16)


What if I have never met him?

While going through different posts and quotes I came across this pic… And lines on which I am stuck !  The person who change your life…. Or in other words who was turning point.

I started thinking about my life…. “. 

What if I have never met him?

 What if I never had crush on him?

What if my heart was never broken?

What if I never Stuck in any rebound relationship?

I started thinking about all my life these year’s……

And I don’t know…. If I could …..

PS:- What ever happening with us …..it is for some reason.

But we always ….thought what if? I have never met him…/her…,


In real you don’t exist.!

In real you don’t exist.

I never got chance to hold you.!… To say “you are mine!”

Never got chance to “To just rest my head on your shoulder and cry…. Or pull your ears and laugh!”

Never ever I have ever hug you like my own personal toy…
Because you were never there…. You were just … My imagination!

In real you don’t exist!

Getting married to a stranger

It’s irony of life! Yes, I am talking about reality…..

I recently saw marriage photos of one of my friend…. I was excited ,and I wanted  to know with whom she got married too.

She was not a very close friend of mine, but as  I have known her for years … I thought she will  get married to her  long term boyfriend . But no! When I saw the photos I was surprised to see a  totally stranger person standing next her….( A total alter personality ..).

I thought may be  this was the reason she didn’t post anything about her marriage status!

Yes , a background story of every second girl in modern India ! Girls who  show off too much when they had a boyfriend…. With  personality of film star like Ranbir Singh! But finally get married to some one like Jetha lal( common looking man) who have good bank balance.

This is just one phase… of truth. But there is one other side …  i.e. Expectations from  life! We expect too much but we gets what we actually deserve.

 Ps:- I saw this…reality of life many times!  Sometimes we  can’t get married to some one whom we like / love… Because after knowing the reality, we already want to quit that relationship  which is lack of trust and full of  drama.

This could be my story also…. May be I will get married to some one… Who is totally stranger person to me… Some one for whom I don’t even feel.

Relationship Confusions

My life is turning into drama… Where I don’t know what next is going to happen…. Its so unpredictable! And I don’t know what I should do about it.I don’t have single close person who could just hear me…

So this is what actually happen…. 

In one of my previous post title one sketch and my thoughts . I post about- how my thoughts are occupied with thoughts of a person(lets call him- AT  for  less confusion.) I was editing /drafting  that post …2 days before my birthday.

(so obviously I don’t know whats going to happen on my birthday.)

Everybody have some expectations on their birthdays…. But my only expectations was people who  are close to me remember my birthday.. Without the Facebook alert/notification…

And  I did got wishes….. AT was one them who wished me… 

I was like “OMG ! He knows my birthday date…”

When I was expecting birthday wishes from many  persons I didn’t expected him ..

I know …how wrong i was about him…I mean …I can’t change our past. But I also know…things are not same now.

I started comparison…. Comparison between AT and the person I am secretly dating..for 4/3 year. (lets call him Vx ).

 Vx was not able to wish me  because of some reason.   I was really upset…  

I was Questioning about my commitment!  “Is Vx  is right person for me? ” ( The fact is I am still questioning…. Because we have not talked for months    )   ” does he care, if i don’t talk to him?” 

And nowadays Vx is totally absent from my life…

I want to talk to him , want to make him  realise my frustration . But then I know he will not stop me from going away…because i have tried it many times…and every time I was the one who comes back to convince !

The fact is this time i am not even bothering him(Vx)…for keeping up this relations … Even if it  hurts ,which is better than feeling   sorry for yourself later.

Sometimes i feel maybe its my fault, because i am too much obsessed with AT ….that i didn’t able to give time to Vx.

I also feel that long distance relationship doesn’t last long unless ,both persons give their 100% efforts.. To maintain their relationship.

 i am too much confused…

I am at that point of my life where I want Stability in relationships….less drama and confusion.

I don’t want a relationships where i have too break someone heart or someone breaks my hope( because my heart is already broken twice 💔💔)
So this time my questions  to my reader…..

  1. Have you  ever been in this  Type of confusion where you don’t know what you should do?
  2. Have you ever misunderstood situations between you and your partner?
  3. If yes, how do you solve  your problems  ?
  4. What does it take to maintain a good relationship between you and your partner?
  5. If given chance do you want change your past mistake?
  6. Will You easily quit and move on ? ( I tried this once… But I am still there!)
  7. Will  you break up easily, if  you find .. Your life with  your partner is not going anywhere,? Or you put more efforts… To make it work,

PS :-Many of my well wishers suggested me that I should not discuss my personal problem in social sites… These well wishers don’t see my point of view.This blog is actually about my life .  I write blog post about those stories which actually happen in real life... Situations which can happen with anyone… 

Well!  I don’t care if people feel offended. I am not writing for them. I am doing it for myself.

For my satisfaction… 

So, I don‘t think I should explain more to them

date:- 18-10-16 


BigBigBigBig Big  Sharks and  a tiny fish.

You don’t ,know when your words cuts your own neck !

Have you ever thought what it is to  “live , like a fish”…?  

Well I too.. have never thought…,how fish live its life…only I used to sing that nursery rhythm – “Maachli jal ki raani hai..and jivan usaka paani hai”

But if ; now I want to give a metaphor about my current life situations…I find nothing more better than a fish life.

These  days I am struggling a lot. Some times I ..even feel helpless…. Like a fish who have to live in ocean with all kind of dangers.

I am that kind of tiny fish who have to fight and swim hard for it survival…. There are lot of Sharks   in my world… Who are danger and I have to use tricks to save my self….

There are friendly fishes too…. But unless we don’t have to fight for same food…   

Most of you  will not understand what I meant when I am saying these things-“unless you are working in corporate business office or in Govt. Offices.”

You don’t know  what  running in other persons mind when they approach you…until you see their true interest.

I have to think too much before  speaking up….

You don’t know, when your words cuts your own neck !

PS:- The best part is I am learning….even though somethings are tough. But it also mean I am becoming strong because no other options are left.