Deep thoughts 2

I am 26 years .. This year I will be 27. This reminds me I have reached a marriageable age.
Ha ha …but I want to laugh at the fact. Because I am still not ready. Nearly all my friends and mates who have studied with me are getting married or thinking about marriage. And here I am sitting in my office desk thinking about-“ how to tell my parents that I am an adult now and could take my own care.”
Yes …..It’s really funny na ! My parents still think I am an adolescence.
I have so many things about which I want to tell my parents , but I feel embarrassed ….because I already know my parents would never understand me.They won’t accept me .
It’s all about how much screwed up I am. And how much I have hidden about myself.
Basically I am always honest to them… but I can’t tell them about my relationship status. Because they won’t understand.
I deal with people….and I know a lot. I am still taking experience . But there is a thing which eating me up.
I don’t follow any conservative life. But still as I move around and meet new people I have to keep a poker face on.
I have been depressed and been in bad emotional trauma. When ever I have been attached to and started loving someone ; they already preparing to leave me. This time I have nothing to lose also …because I have given it all.
And you know what? I have become so habitual….that I myself say Goodbye to them.
Yes I am going through it….last finale. Yes I am waiting that #person would finally say goodbye to me… I secretly wanted to marry him …but the complications in life….Which reality has created . I don’t think there’s any hope.
I am not going to fall for anyone now….because I am already in pit.
And when I see other couples happily living married life… I just want to say one thing ….not everyone is so fortunate.
PS . It’s hurting me lot …to letting him Go. Because I can’t let anyone suffer with me .

After cooking
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Deep Thoughts -1

Basically I am tired of feeling frustrate… sometimes I do think why I am born.
I don’t even want to explain how I am living. These three months of my life was like sea saw… sometimes I feel like I am the lucky one and sometimes it like I am living the most awful life ever.
My greatest fear is living away from those whom I loved. That’s why I don’t easily get involve with anyone…. May be it’s my destiny to live alone . Because everyone ,whom I have ever loved ; gave me some big excuse for leaving me….. I am honest and loyal. I  have crossed every limit to reach them, fight for them…do whatever I could.
But I can’t expect anything back. Getting reciprocate love…..Is not just what I get. I am bad. Bad in decision regarding Love. I have been in love many times… I don’t know why? I always fall for the trap…
I am not timepass or any object….that is used and thrown. I am someone who is looking for a love that is continuous …forever and everlasting.
But ,whenever I fall for someone . I never even get the same…every time . …Sometimes the person can’t Love you ,because he love someone else.
Sometimes ,person loves you. But don’t understand you . Your feelings are nil for them and you are never their first priority.
Sometimes the person loves you …he will do everything a life partner does for you, but you can’t expect lifelong commitment . Because it’s the society who will decide….. (Your marriage.)
I have lost a lot in these three months…or I say in these three years.    But I have gained too ….that is. How  to move on ….because your happiness never depends on Someone.

Start loving yourself….(I am saying this because I can’t ). I am hungry… I slept empty stomach ….in frustration.

But more than hunger of food I am feeling hunger of affection that I truly deserve. I am hungry for love and care. Someone who just say I will be there, I am for you only you……
But than I look back …I look at all those men I have loved and still loving….do you believe I would be loyal now. Would I be able to give someone the love that he deserves. No! No ! I have already given every bit of it  to these men … And I am all broken in pieces… I would now never be committed /loyal to the person who would truly love me.
And yes if he ever ask me whom do you love most … I would first look back to all of you and then I would look at myself and I would say m…… I still don’tknow.88dd70d1894b0e9a50c1f231a41507a1

Falling in dark pit

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Hello dear readers!

You are going to read one of my dark secret.  I have fallen in a very dark pit and I don’t even know how I would come out of this darkness. In my last blog post I have wrote my fantasy about a person.

And what if you have absorbed his darkness into you ….. for me it’s like  I have bought a dress ,which is  out of my budget  and I am in  big debt .

I don’t even know which way I would go….feeling miserable. Even though; I already have known the truth.  Whenever I get the reality check my heart sunk like  the titanic.

It’s like whenever I am with him ….he is my world. Living separate and alone would seriously make me insane….i am wandering in dark forest and piercing my heart once again. I won’t come out this time and won’t be able stand….

I am just done with myself now…. I know have crossed some limits now….

PS.I am living my life without thinking …..i know now…..who I can be.

मैं जो तुमसे कहना चाहती हूं भाग 2

कभी कभी ऑफिस में गड़बड़ हो जाती है पर मैं संभाल लेती हुँ। अब तो ऑफिस में भी दोस्त बन गए हैं जो मेरी मदद कर सकते हैं।

 

प्रिय दोस्त,
तो कैसे हो तुम । मुझे माफ करना मुझे ऐसे ओपन लेटर नहीं लिखना चाहिए। पर असल में मैं यह लेटर सिर्फ तुम्हें नहीं लिख रही ।तुम्हारे जरिए अपनी भावनाओं को पूरी दुनिया को किसी न किसी तरीके से बताना चाहती हुँ। किसी को भी अपनी निजी जिंदगी के बारे में कभी इस तरह नहीं कहना चाहिए। पर यह तो सिर्फ एक लेख है जिसमें मुझ जैसे व्यक्ति अपनी भावनाओं को कहानियों और लेखों के जरिए जाहिर करते हैं। इसलिए मैं तुम्हें एक ओपन पत्र लिख रही हूँ। ताकि इस लेटर के जरिए मेरी कुछ बातें दुनिया वालों तक पहुँच सके। पिछले दिनों से मैंने बहुत कुछ जाना ।और आज मेरी सोच ऐसी है, की अब मुझे लोगों को देखकर डर नहीं लगता । please click link below👇 for more reading… It is link to original blog post.

https://liferebooting.blogspot.in/2018/03/2_15.html

IMG_20180316_082140_330.jpg

“Surprise Shopping and Sacrasm on Bra size😂”

displaying woman lingerie  is really nonsense to some people… But it’s actually open minded people will understand.

This is a very funny incident and I can’t stop myself writing about it because it’s a thing which mostly happens with women’s . Specialy I am talking about household semi-urban aunties and Indian desi girls.😁😁😁

So it was Sunday and I have planned for supply shopping.

For me supply shopping is monthly sanitary Pads and undergarments…

When you are single woman you don’t know what you will ever find and need..

So, first I thought let not go alone and ask someone to come along…the basic thinking…I called my long lost friend P ….but she didn’t pick up my call. She actually missed the adventure.

Then I message an old buddy -A, who was out of city…so she can’t come along too. I decided to go on my own…

You know to buy women things are really treasure discovery …and it’s like jumping in ocean. Which is called women’s shopping .

I bought monthly supply from supermarket…and then I went to open market just to see if I could buy any cheap price …but treasury items. Yes, we desi girls have this type of ideas a lot and I really discovered something…

I usually buy women lingerie from proper shop…or somewhere where a seller is woman and could suggest about sizes and things.

This is basic habit of every aunties and daughter.. if you ever ask me.

But this time I was experimenting and went to a open market place where they literally hang all lingeries in display….and I saw a cute nice Bra …and there various versions..

Yes women’s have fancy choices regarding undergarments too…

But thing was….tag details was all in Chinese…yes even the price. I was like what …. this cute thing is made in China.😂😂😂😁

Now I asked about the size…and the male seller was like saying- “size pe mat jawo” .

Yes ! This were the exact words.Don’t read the size they are actually made in Chinese… so measurements are different. I actually read 34/75.

The Bra Size I usually buy is 32/80…I was confused and I don’t want to give up…

yes I am that kind of person…if I like something I would definitely go for it whether it fit me or not.

I picked the Bra and said “acha thick h de do”. (It’s OK give it to me.) And in my mind I was laughing like anything… Because you know what… Size really Matters…

I am Saying this because….

These are actually screenshots of articles every women’s should read to understand why actually size matters… because I can’t explain anyfurther…

PS…. I can’t believe I am actually posting it….yes displaying woman lingerie is really nonsense to some people… But it’s actually open minded people will understand.

The rose inside the book.

As she was packing her bags, she realizes that she was missing something very intensely.

Anu was going to  return her home. Today was her last day of stay at her uncle’s house.

She never knew that, this holiday vacation would become so special for her. She actually started liking this place and friends. She made so many new friends during Holidays.

As she was packing her bags, she realizes that she was missing something very intensely.

All her new friends have visited her and they promised her to come and visit her in Bhopal. She almost cried when they said –“we will miss you, Anu.” But the most dreadful feeling was getting parted from Sanjay . He lives next door from her uncle’s house. He was the first friend she actually made during her vacations.

please click the link  https://liferebooting.blogspot.in/2018/02/the-rose.htmllick

Remembering the past you.(open letter).

Please, don’t consider my feelings…when you  read it. They always change.

psd copyI have so many times mentioned you in my post directly and indirectly. I don’t know sometimes it is intentionally, and sometimes it is not. But you are always there…..

Last time; when, we met. you asked me something. You asked me “why you?” and I said “it was our age of stupidity.”

I always ask this question to myself, that why I have fallen for you…and guess what? there are things, which makes you different; but still the question remain still “unanswered.”

You already know that I am very much infatuated with you.
So, here are somethings which I want to check once again.

  • I found you very amusing from very beginning. I don’t know why I easily gets distracted by you.
  •  From the time, I confessed my feelings for you till now….there are many minor details..I still remembered about you.
  •  I still remember idiots things…..you have done and many things which are told about you.
  •  Remembering good thing about you makes me happy.
  • I still have your letters inside my wardrobe and I consider them very  precious…. (feeling like they are love letters….)
  •  I remember once; I wrote lyrics of a song I dedicated to you….and one of the song is from movie ‘jannat’ –“ha tu hai.”
  •   I don’t know why ? the time when I was holding grudge for you….I wanted to see you….even though I know that you were ignoring me.
  •  I took you as a challenge of my life and you know what  I am still battling.
  •  I made choice to move on…..but sometimes; I feel I am hooked to your memories…..
  •  It was you, who was my page turner. And you will be always ; my bookmark.
  • I don’t know about future ….but I know how to accept things. So, I know anything can change.

So, I know  you may be confused when you read it …. I still make things, not so easy.

Please, don’t consider my feelings…when you  read it. They always change.

  1. PS. It’s  dedicated ….and I can’t portrait you. Wishes! for your future.please don’t mind after reading it..

Moon Light story 

There was a Ghost dancing  under the Moon Light

https://anelife16.blogspot.com/2017/03/moon-light.html

Imagine you are alone in night out at some place where you can’t imagine someone else to be. 

You are happy and feeling of ecstasy is running all over you.  You dance in that silent song only you could hear. You giggle and jiggle in your own laugh. Night at own is what you thought. 

But suddenly you turned around and shadow of someone unknown peeks at you.  And you lose the sudden  madness in you… Now you act sobber like nothing has happened ever and run down to your personal  corner. 

To scold yourself and assume that no one have notice your craziness. 

And if they have not remembered you they would Say –

“There was a Ghost dancing  under the Moon Light. “

Please the click

 above link if you want to read in full version  in  Hindi 
click

What if I have never met him?

While going through different posts and quotes I came across this pic… And lines on which I am stuck !  The person who change your life…. Or in other words who was turning point.

I started thinking about my life…. “. 

What if I have never met him?

 What if I never had crush on him?

What if my heart was never broken?

What if I never Stuck in any rebound relationship?

I started thinking about all my life these year’s……

And I don’t know…. If I could …..

PS:- What ever happening with us …..it is for some reason.

But we always ….thought what if? I have never met him…/her…,


Getting married to a stranger

It’s irony of life! Yes, I am talking about reality…..

I recently saw marriage photos of one of my friend…. I was excited ,and I wanted  to know with whom she got married too.

She was not a very close friend of mine, but as  I have known her for years … I thought she will  get married to her  long term boyfriend . But no! When I saw the photos I was surprised to see a  totally stranger person standing next her….( A total alter personality ..).

I thought may be  this was the reason she didn’t post anything about her marriage status!

Yes , a background story of every second girl in modern India ! Girls who  show off too much when they had a boyfriend…. With  personality of film star like Ranbir Singh! But finally get married to some one like Jetha lal( common looking man) who have good bank balance.

This is just one phase… of truth. But there is one other side …  i.e. Expectations from  life! We expect too much but we gets what we actually deserve.

 Ps:- I saw this…reality of life many times!  Sometimes we  can’t get married to some one whom we like / love… Because after knowing the reality, we already want to quit that relationship  which is lack of trust and full of  drama.

This could be my story also…. May be I will get married to some one… Who is totally stranger person to me… Some one for whom I don’t even feel.