Deep Thoughts -1

Basically I am tired of feeling frustrate… sometimes I do think why I am born.
I don’t even want to explain how I am living. These three months of my life was like sea saw… sometimes I feel like I am the lucky one and sometimes it like I am living the most awful life ever.
My greatest fear is living away from those whom I loved. That’s why I don’t easily get involve with anyone…. May be it’s my destiny to live alone . Because everyone ,whom I have ever loved ; gave me some big excuse for leaving me….. I am honest and loyal. I  have crossed every limit to reach them, fight for them…do whatever I could.
But I can’t expect anything back. Getting reciprocate love…..Is not just what I get. I am bad. Bad in decision regarding Love. I have been in love many times… I don’t know why? I always fall for the trap…
I am not timepass or any object….that is used and thrown. I am someone who is looking for a love that is continuous …forever and everlasting.
But ,whenever I fall for someone . I never even get the same…every time . …Sometimes the person can’t Love you ,because he love someone else.
Sometimes ,person loves you. But don’t understand you . Your feelings are nil for them and you are never their first priority.
Sometimes the person loves you …he will do everything a life partner does for you, but you can’t expect lifelong commitment . Because it’s the society who will decide….. (Your marriage.)
I have lost a lot in these three months…or I say in these three years.    But I have gained too ….that is. How  to move on ….because your happiness never depends on Someone.

Start loving yourself….(I am saying this because I can’t ). I am hungry… I slept empty stomach ….in frustration.

But more than hunger of food I am feeling hunger of affection that I truly deserve. I am hungry for love and care. Someone who just say I will be there, I am for you only you……
But than I look back …I look at all those men I have loved and still loving….do you believe I would be loyal now. Would I be able to give someone the love that he deserves. No! No ! I have already given every bit of it  to these men … And I am all broken in pieces… I would now never be committed /loyal to the person who would truly love me.
And yes if he ever ask me whom do you love most … I would first look back to all of you and then I would look at myself and I would say m…… I still don’tknow.88dd70d1894b0e9a50c1f231a41507a1

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Falling in dark pit

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Hello dear readers!

You are going to read one of my dark secret.  I have fallen in a very dark pit and I don’t even know how I would come out of this darkness. In my last blog post I have wrote my fantasy about a person.

And what if you have absorbed his darkness into you ….. for me it’s like  I have bought a dress ,which is  out of my budget  and I am in  big debt .

I don’t even know which way I would go….feeling miserable. Even though; I already have known the truth.  Whenever I get the reality check my heart sunk like  the titanic.

It’s like whenever I am with him ….he is my world. Living separate and alone would seriously make me insane….i am wandering in dark forest and piercing my heart once again. I won’t come out this time and won’t be able stand….

I am just done with myself now…. I know have crossed some limits now….

PS.I am living my life without thinking …..i know now…..who I can be.

He said “I won’t marry you”.(short story of breakup)

Do you believe in destiny …..so here is a short story ….illu

please click the linkhttp://liferebooting.blogspot.in/2018/04/he-said-i-wont-marry-youshort-story-of.html

i would like to write more on it….if you like this portion  please  comment.

 

तेरी आंखों की चमक, तेरी होठों की मुस्कान सब खो चुकी है।

तेरी आंखों की चमक, तेरी होठों की मुस्कान सब खो चुकी है।
तेरे बोलने का अंदाज ,तेरी हंसी की मिठास अब लुट चुकी है।
तू बिखर गया है ,तू अकेला सा हो गया है
तू बिखर गया है ,तू अकेला सा हो गया है
ना तू सुनता है, ना तो सुनाना चाहता है।।
तू अकेले में रोता है ,तू दीवारों को ताक ता हैं।
तू दिन भर यही सोचता है -“मैं ही क्यों ?”
तू दिन भर यही सोचता है- “आखिर में ,मैं ही क्यों ?

Click picture …To read whole poem

में जो तुमसे कहना चाहती हूँ

प्रिय दोस्त,
कैसे हो तुम? क्या हालचाल? मुझे लगता हैं तुम जैसे भी हो …पर कुछ न कुछ मेरे जैसे ही हो।
मुझे तुमसे बहुत सारी बातें करनी है । तुमसे ये पूछना है कि तुम आज कल कैसे रहते हो। कभी कभी मुझे तुम्हारादर्द समझ आता है और कभी कभी तुम्हारी याद भी आती हैं।
जब हम आख़िरी बार मिले तोह बहुत सी बातें हुई थी और बहुत सी अधूरी रह गई। तुमने मुझे अपने बीते सालों के बारे मैं बताया औऱ मैंने भी थोड़ा बहुत कुछ तुम्हें अपने बारे में बताया था। पर बीते कुछ दिनों मेरे साथ ऐसा बहुत कुछ हुआ कि मुझे फिर से तुम्हें अपनी कहानी अच्छे से ,,,,,मतलब शुरुआत से शुरू करनी होगी। जिसमें से आधा तो तुम जानते हो और आधा कुछ ऐसा है कि मुझे अब उन बातों मतलब समझ आया हैं।
तो ये सच हैं कि तुम मेरा पहेला प्यार हो
औऱ तुम्हारे ही कारण मेरी जिंदगी में बहुत सी चीजें हुईं जो अगर न होती तो जिंदगी में इस मुकाम पे न होती। please click link to read more…https://liferebooting.blogspot.in/2018/03/part-1.html

Day 3 What happens when you show WEAKNESS to others”

I can’t really afford Crying like baby girl

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It’s March now . A few days ago I started my new video blog. It was just little experiment. Sometimes we do new things to learn how much we can get with it. I did the same so here is another link to it 👇.

The above video is about one of the vulnerable moment of your life when you are weak and you can’t hide it.

It’s all about Crying and complaining about your problems infront of others. Basically many of us do that when we are unhappy with our lives.

When we do that, we actually give other people chance to hurt us by showing are weak points.

If you ever want to be strong and not want to betrayed again and again just understand one rule . # Never show how much weak /hurt you are.

Always try to overcome your fear. Gradually you will be better .

If don’t understand what I mean just see my video. ☺😂

I can say it was funny because I was crying for some things… and when I realise that it’s silly to cry on. I started laughing at myself.

You know life is not so easy… We are humans and we should be happy for this life God has given to us.

PS :- This video is edited . I can’t really afford Crying like baby girl infront of camera. 😂😂😂🙏 .

Without a kiss 

When you are in a relationship ,a kiss is something by which you show your affection for that special person to whom you love . Obviously first you should be sure of that relationship.

When you are in a relationship ,a kiss is something by which you show your affection for that special person to whom you love . Obviously first you should be sure of that relationship.
I am in relationship with  a promise. Which  I  made.
Its my fault…I  could not blame anybody. I am seeing a person from last 5 years and I don’t know why there is no progress. Sometimes as woman I want more from this relationship but as I am still not sure about it. I can’t go any further…. 

   Please click on the link to read in detail. 

https://anelife16.blogspot.in/2017/07/without-kiss.html

Things have changed …life review.

Hello reader, it took me long time to write something ethical….

Well! I am very much busy these days because it’s financial year ending. Many of you might be thinking what connection I am having with finance, so let me remind you that I am still working as trainee accountant….. And yes! I am still stuck…..although I don’t hate my job now….because now I have got use to it.

These days i am living alone…. and I don’t have a single human being around me  during times when I need them…. I am actually talking about my family and friends.

I don’t know what feelings are as I have turned into a robot who knows only about her works…

But I am enjoying this alone solitude time…..because no one cares whether I am sleeping or awake…..whether dying or living …I can do anything ….even dance naked !(just kidding…..but its truth )

I am living on my own….still lazy…..in cooking. (The reason I still want my mother to be with me is food because… I can’t cook well.)

These days music is my best friend…..it still helping me to survive.

I listen and download a new tracks everyday…. and I have become huge fan of Asian dramas which include Japan, Taiwanese, Thai, Korean Indian mix videos are my favorite…. Korean/Thai actors are really very cute and handsome….

I have prepared a list of series to see every day during my spare time…

  1. Full house Korean/Thai
  2. Playful kiss/ kiss me
  3. My little lover
  4. The girl and three sweethearts.

And there are more to watch….

Now about my personal love trouble….

I can’t love someone more than myself…I have learn this about myself…..

Going through one sided relationship doesn’t give much more than pain.

Although this time it was not hard because I was not serious from very beginning … I have already told vikas….my first preference is my career and my family which exactly same from his side for his family and himself.

I didn’t have much chance to know him…and yes! I am not ashamed to take his name….no code V this time.

It was not a serious  kind…of l0ve relationship…..just a trial date….which took….five years to understand that we couldn’t go together.

I know he will be annoyed ….but now who cares…. I am already a spoil brat.

I know describing your personal relationship in public is highly immature and a big stupidity…. but you know what ….my heart is really itching ….and I can’t control.

He compared himself with someone who was….

I can’t disclose…much ….it my fault and I am taking blame on my self….

I believe him as good friend…. and may be after reading all these things he may not consider me as one.

I do not hate him ….it’s that things have not gone far between us and I am thankful….

My last poem “thank god we never kissed” was dedicated to him….

PS…By the way vikas….if you are reading this….. I am sorry for mentioning you in public.

Thank God ! We never kissed,

How was your first kiss ?

Have you ever regret your first kiss ?

Thank God ! We never kissed. http://anelife16.blogspot.com/2017/02/thank-god-we-never-kissed.html

UnComplete Love

अधूरी मोह्बत http://anelife16.blogspot.com/2017/01/blog-post.html