Without a kiss 

When you are in a relationship ,a kiss is something by which you show your affection for that special person to whom you love . Obviously first you should be sure of that relationship.

When you are in a relationship ,a kiss is something by which you show your affection for that special person to whom you love . Obviously first you should be sure of that relationship.
I am in relationship with  a promise. Which  I  made.
Its my fault…I  could not blame anybody. I am seeing a person from last 5 years and I don’t know why there is no progress. Sometimes as woman I want more from this relationship but as I am still not sure about it. I can’t go any further…. 

   Please click on the link to read in detail. 

https://anelife16.blogspot.in/2017/07/without-kiss.html

Things have changed …life review.

Hello reader, it took me long time to write something ethical….

Well! I am very much busy these days because it’s financial year ending. Many of you might be thinking what connection I am having with finance, so let me remind you that I am still working as trainee accountant….. And yes! I am still stuck…..although I don’t hate my job now….because now I have got use to it.

These days i am living alone…. and I don’t have a single human being around me  during times when I need them…. I am actually talking about my family and friends.

I don’t know what feelings are as I have turned into a robot who knows only about her works…

But I am enjoying this alone solitude time…..because no one cares whether I am sleeping or awake…..whether dying or living …I can do anything ….even dance naked !(just kidding…..but its truth )

I am living on my own….still lazy…..in cooking. (The reason I still want my mother to be with me is food because… I can’t cook well.)

These days music is my best friend…..it still helping me to survive.

I listen and download a new tracks everyday…. and I have become huge fan of Asian dramas which include Japan, Taiwanese, Thai, Korean Indian mix videos are my favorite…. Korean/Thai actors are really very cute and handsome….

I have prepared a list of series to see every day during my spare time…

  1. Full house Korean/Thai
  2. Playful kiss/ kiss me
  3. My little lover
  4. The girl and three sweethearts.

And there are more to watch….

Now about my personal love trouble….

I can’t love someone more than myself…I have learn this about myself…..

Going through one sided relationship doesn’t give much more than pain.

Although this time it was not hard because I was not serious from very beginning … I have already told vikas….my first preference is my career and my family which exactly same from his side for his family and himself.

I didn’t have much chance to know him…and yes! I am not ashamed to take his name….no code V this time.

It was not a serious  kind…of l0ve relationship…..just a trial date….which took….five years to understand that we couldn’t go together.

I know he will be annoyed ….but now who cares…. I am already a spoil brat.

I know describing your personal relationship in public is highly immature and a big stupidity…. but you know what ….my heart is really itching ….and I can’t control.

He compared himself with someone who was….

I can’t disclose…much ….it my fault and I am taking blame on my self….

I believe him as good friend…. and may be after reading all these things he may not consider me as one.

I do not hate him ….it’s that things have not gone far between us and I am thankful….

My last poem “thank god we never kissed” was dedicated to him….

PS…By the way vikas….if you are reading this….. I am sorry for mentioning you in public.

Thank God ! We never kissed,

How was your first kiss ?

Have you ever regret your first kiss ?

Thank God ! We never kissed. http://anelife16.blogspot.com/2017/02/thank-god-we-never-kissed.html

UnComplete Love

अधूरी मोह्बत http://anelife16.blogspot.com/2017/01/blog-post.html

What if I have never met him?

While going through different posts and quotes I came across this pic… And lines on which I am stuck !  The person who change your life…. Or in other words who was turning point.

I started thinking about my life…. “. 

What if I have never met him?

 What if I never had crush on him?

What if my heart was never broken?

What if I never Stuck in any rebound relationship?

I started thinking about all my life these year’s……

And I don’t know…. If I could …..

PS:- What ever happening with us …..it is for some reason.

But we always ….thought what if? I have never met him…/her…,


Relationship Confusions

My life is turning into drama… Where I don’t know what next is going to happen…. Its so unpredictable! And I don’t know what I should do about it.I don’t have single close person who could just hear me…

So this is what actually happen…. 

In one of my previous post title one sketch and my thoughts . I post about- how my thoughts are occupied with thoughts of a person(lets call him- AT  for  less confusion.) I was editing /drafting  that post …2 days before my birthday.

(so obviously I don’t know whats going to happen on my birthday.)

Everybody have some expectations on their birthdays…. But my only expectations was people who  are close to me remember my birthday.. Without the Facebook alert/notification…

And  I did got wishes….. AT was one them who wished me… 

I was like “OMG ! He knows my birthday date…”

When I was expecting birthday wishes from many  persons I didn’t expected him ..

I know …how wrong i was about him…I mean …I can’t change our past. But I also know…things are not same now.

I started comparison…. Comparison between AT and the person I am secretly dating..for 4/3 year. (lets call him Vx ).

 Vx was not able to wish me  because of some reason.   I was really upset…  

I was Questioning about my commitment!  “Is Vx  is right person for me? ” ( The fact is I am still questioning…. Because we have not talked for months    )   ” does he care, if i don’t talk to him?” 

And nowadays Vx is totally absent from my life…

I want to talk to him , want to make him  realise my frustration . But then I know he will not stop me from going away…because i have tried it many times…and every time I was the one who comes back to convince !

The fact is this time i am not even bothering him(Vx)…for keeping up this relations … Even if it  hurts ,which is better than feeling   sorry for yourself later.

Sometimes i feel maybe its my fault, because i am too much obsessed with AT ….that i didn’t able to give time to Vx.

I also feel that long distance relationship doesn’t last long unless ,both persons give their 100% efforts.. To maintain their relationship.

 i am too much confused…

I am at that point of my life where I want Stability in relationships….less drama and confusion.

I don’t want a relationships where i have too break someone heart or someone breaks my hope( because my heart is already broken twice 💔💔)
So this time my questions  to my reader…..

  1. Have you  ever been in this  Type of confusion where you don’t know what you should do?
  2. Have you ever misunderstood situations between you and your partner?
  3. If yes, how do you solve  your problems  ?
  4. What does it take to maintain a good relationship between you and your partner?
  5. If given chance do you want change your past mistake?
  6. Will You easily quit and move on ? ( I tried this once… But I am still there!)
  7. Will  you break up easily, if  you find .. Your life with  your partner is not going anywhere,? Or you put more efforts… To make it work,

PS :-Many of my well wishers suggested me that I should not discuss my personal problem in social sites… These well wishers don’t see my point of view.This blog is actually about my life .  I write blog post about those stories which actually happen in real life... Situations which can happen with anyone… 

Well!  I don’t care if people feel offended. I am not writing for them. I am doing it for myself.

For my satisfaction… 

So, I don‘t think I should explain more to them

date:- 18-10-16 


One sketch… and my thoughts.

I too have move ahead…. But this feeling of insecurity still last deep in my heart.

I am going through many changes in my life…
So , today post is about my covert thoughts.

I was suffering from cold fever …..and still I was working in office…. It was not that I had lot of work to do but then I have to complete my work any how.( if I could do all pending work.) But next day I became ill very badly …I hardly did any work.
I decided to take leave from work and I returned home  to my family.

After returning I was taking rest ,but my mind was still not in peace…. It was filled with all unnecessary thought..which also include his memories.
I don’t know why his thought came in my mind… May be because I was too much bore ; that I started writing an article  which, remind me of him.. Or ,may be because his memories are always part of  that unending disappointment.
* here ” his ” refers to a person(not so important  person) .
But still in depth of my heart I respect him because of those lessons which he taught me..

And then I saw something in FacebookI saw a sketch This sketch was made by him.. Yes he is a good artist… Another reason for my  adoring him secretly…
As I am also an amateur artist … I  always respect art.. But more than that I try to find feelings… Behind that art.

image

I have never been covert about my feelings.. So … I did what I felt.   And I liked it.👍… His sketch was really good…
I thought if… I could also make sketch like that… from my pen tab which was kept unused from one month..

I thought if I could ask – how does  he draw with such ease… My brain was very badly occupied with his  thought that I even dreamed about him.. that night..

Next morning when I wake up … the first thing I did was Facebook…. And once again I saw another sketch made by him…. This time I didn’t like it  … I don’t know why…  May be because I saw a feeling behind it… Instead I started reading all those comments with sketch… I  started searching for all those who all were tag  to that sketch….I don’t know why I was doing that….
He has drawn someone who is part of his life…
Why should I care too much…..

I too have move ahead…. But this feeling of insecurity still last deep in my heart.
Who ? cares about ,what I feel… Than why?
There are lot of things I still don’t understand…, I was really confused….
And   then I saw time in my phone…. It was 6 am in morning and I need to get up fast to get ready for work…. It was better to keep myself busy in work than ,thinking about some person who even don’t care if I exist..

I know I can’t escape many things in my life …but at least I am not hiding …

PS:-

I know many of you readers will be confused….but to understand this post you have go through all my earlier post.

There are many people in my life…. Who just say they love me but never been there when I want them.
I remembered him because he was honest to me and rejected me in my face.

****16-9-16  Some things are least expected…..
I am sorry… If I am being too upfront about my thoughts & beliefs….

But this post is sincerely about my thought…. Not to offend someone….art…. life anything related….
Well…mujhe abhi kuch din phele hi pata chala hai ki log mera blog seriously read karte h😁😁🙌

Thanks to all readers !

the way you smile!

Yes ,the way you smile! and than …there my heart stuck with that little feeling .

For so many days I just wanted one glimpse of you,
You know how secretly I admire you,
Try to get attention from you.
It’s not that; I don’t have guts to accept my feelings for you!
But I don’t want my feelings to be crushed under your attitude’s !
You are so much occupied by your ego, materialism and your standards.
But wait …. These things make you happy… And I could see you Smile.
Yes ,the way you smile! and than …there my heart stuck with that little feeling .

PS:-
I can say sorry instead….
But I think this  is much better explanation.😛

Lastly , I  am still broken by words and you know what i want to say.

Forbid Love

I hide my need of love,
I hide my need of care…
Even if I write a longest poem in your name,
I’ll  hide your name!
The other knows my sin..
But he never cares..
It just from one side he thinks;
and a forbidden affair.

No doubt he will win me soon,
And I would never say -No!
But for sure he will never let it Go !

I have  already loss once,
And you know -“how bad it has gone!
Foul playing is not my choice,
But being honest is of chaos!
Hide & seeking  secrets ,
This game is all about.

Love  is just name,
They don’t care if ; it’s not fair game.
Tears in return of losing,
Winning give next chance.
And this is how Life goes on !

image

Before we go away..

I want to stay,
But I can’t,
because no one wants me to stay…
And now every thing which we worth is gone.

Dedicated to ‘v’

After my last post and all the things I said last time , I am thinking very deeply… Some times I feel “if I did made mistake being  honest. Or I am regretting once again.”

It’s really depressing.. I can feel the emptiness. It’s like I lost myself.

I asked him about what he feels… Does he want to blame… He can say anything.. But Please say!( Break the Silence)

Finally he said- “OK, fine.
You wanted this.”

And then I ask God – “if he could give  me power to read people’s mind…”

I have turned rational… & sometimes this makes me  think may be he had  dumped me earlier, and now  I have given him reason to leave.

But now what.. Do you think i should cry… Or move on.

I was not expecting much.. From him….
I don’t know … What I should say… Because now nothing is left…

I want to stay,
But I can’t,
because no one wants me to stay…
And now every thing which we worth is gone.

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