तेरी आंखों की चमक, तेरी होठों की मुस्कान सब खो चुकी है।

तेरी आंखों की चमक, तेरी होठों की मुस्कान सब खो चुकी है।
तेरे बोलने का अंदाज ,तेरी हंसी की मिठास अब लुट चुकी है।
तू बिखर गया है ,तू अकेला सा हो गया है
तू बिखर गया है ,तू अकेला सा हो गया है
ना तू सुनता है, ना तो सुनाना चाहता है।।
तू अकेले में रोता है ,तू दीवारों को ताक ता हैं।
तू दिन भर यही सोचता है -“मैं ही क्यों ?”
तू दिन भर यही सोचता है- “आखिर में ,मैं ही क्यों ?

Click picture …To read whole poem

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मैं जो तुमसे कहना चाहती हूं भाग 2

कभी कभी ऑफिस में गड़बड़ हो जाती है पर मैं संभाल लेती हुँ। अब तो ऑफिस में भी दोस्त बन गए हैं जो मेरी मदद कर सकते हैं।

 

प्रिय दोस्त,
तो कैसे हो तुम । मुझे माफ करना मुझे ऐसे ओपन लेटर नहीं लिखना चाहिए। पर असल में मैं यह लेटर सिर्फ तुम्हें नहीं लिख रही ।तुम्हारे जरिए अपनी भावनाओं को पूरी दुनिया को किसी न किसी तरीके से बताना चाहती हुँ। किसी को भी अपनी निजी जिंदगी के बारे में कभी इस तरह नहीं कहना चाहिए। पर यह तो सिर्फ एक लेख है जिसमें मुझ जैसे व्यक्ति अपनी भावनाओं को कहानियों और लेखों के जरिए जाहिर करते हैं। इसलिए मैं तुम्हें एक ओपन पत्र लिख रही हूँ। ताकि इस लेटर के जरिए मेरी कुछ बातें दुनिया वालों तक पहुँच सके। पिछले दिनों से मैंने बहुत कुछ जाना ।और आज मेरी सोच ऐसी है, की अब मुझे लोगों को देखकर डर नहीं लगता । please click link below👇 for more reading… It is link to original blog post.

https://liferebooting.blogspot.in/2018/03/2_15.html

IMG_20180316_082140_330.jpg

में जो तुमसे कहना चाहती हूँ

प्रिय दोस्त,
कैसे हो तुम? क्या हालचाल? मुझे लगता हैं तुम जैसे भी हो …पर कुछ न कुछ मेरे जैसे ही हो।
मुझे तुमसे बहुत सारी बातें करनी है । तुमसे ये पूछना है कि तुम आज कल कैसे रहते हो। कभी कभी मुझे तुम्हारादर्द समझ आता है और कभी कभी तुम्हारी याद भी आती हैं।
जब हम आख़िरी बार मिले तोह बहुत सी बातें हुई थी और बहुत सी अधूरी रह गई। तुमने मुझे अपने बीते सालों के बारे मैं बताया औऱ मैंने भी थोड़ा बहुत कुछ तुम्हें अपने बारे में बताया था। पर बीते कुछ दिनों मेरे साथ ऐसा बहुत कुछ हुआ कि मुझे फिर से तुम्हें अपनी कहानी अच्छे से ,,,,,मतलब शुरुआत से शुरू करनी होगी। जिसमें से आधा तो तुम जानते हो और आधा कुछ ऐसा है कि मुझे अब उन बातों मतलब समझ आया हैं।
तो ये सच हैं कि तुम मेरा पहेला प्यार हो
औऱ तुम्हारे ही कारण मेरी जिंदगी में बहुत सी चीजें हुईं जो अगर न होती तो जिंदगी में इस मुकाम पे न होती। please click link to read more…https://liferebooting.blogspot.in/2018/03/part-1.html

Love should be real 

It shows your commitment…and that’s why I don’t trust you. 

A lot of times I wonder…will it matters to you.  Or how important I am in your life….I have accepted that it’s doesn’t matter how  much time we spend together. We are simply trying something to find in each other. 

Last time we spend  a little time together…you know it could be more of us together…if you haven’t went to play cricket…because I asked you in advance about your schedule. 
It shows your commitment…and that’s why I don’t trust you. please click here to read more 

MEN’S AROUND ME

Recently I was very much busy……in fact I am still busy .but as I was craving of  with something; I thought …I should write it … its actually one of my PMS symptoms you know..

Ok ….. It’s about men’s   all around me…

As you know last month was my birthday…most people around me didn’t even remember because they all depend on Face -book birthday alert…which I still hate…. I don’t know!  “How do people use to remember birthdays before FB came in existences.?”

I was disappointed by my friends…Specially some closed once  ,because I expected something from them. Even my boyfriend had no idea that it was my birthday. So ,I have to  punish him….  I didn’t talk to him for two weeks and basically ignored him.

I know, he didn’t got any hint …what’s  into me…or what is going on…so I just said “its September month!” …and then it strike him -what the reasons!   He said “I am sorry, I complete forgot”. I said “Ok, and ask him some time for me  . “

So, in last week what I did was visited him in  his place ….I talked with him for hours and I was satisfied…..as it was the thing I always  wanted to do … the best part was-  I saw his room …. I shared blanket with him…I clicked his unwashed face and captured some funny moments.

I don’t know whether he understands my feelings for him or not … but I actually love him for that very moment…although for short time…but I could have kissed him… I was enjoying that feeling of shyness.

After few hours I have to leave  … but I asked him next time I want a proper date…

So ,this is  how  finally I satisfied my birthday wish.

Next day was normal…everything went well…

There were some new fresher in my work place…all of them are men…It is nothing new for me…because I am only woman in office , I have got used to it…the  only problem is that they have not got used  to me…. I hate constant staring …. Like; I am monkey in a zoo. Yes, for them it might be difficult to accept that I am only woman officer other than maid/peon who dozes off in her chair.

I know after a year they will get use to me…if they want to  stay here longer.

So, everything went normal for two weeks… until first week of October …all stress and little bit miss understandings…

About…one thing was…I was missing someone very constantly  …I use to visit his profile very often…see all his likes/ unlike s…even traced out his recent dating stories…..(yes I am talking about my crush/friend)   things between us are sorted out … I just wanted to know -‘how he is doing…maybe he had find some person…yap still tab in’ .

The only thing which…matters for me…is I am happy…satisfied…and tired at same time…

PS :- I don’t know how I should talk with men’s around me … or how I should change their views…I am doing ,what can do…and that’s all.

Without a kiss 

When you are in a relationship ,a kiss is something by which you show your affection for that special person to whom you love . Obviously first you should be sure of that relationship.

When you are in a relationship ,a kiss is something by which you show your affection for that special person to whom you love . Obviously first you should be sure of that relationship.
I am in relationship with  a promise. Which  I  made.
Its my fault…I  could not blame anybody. I am seeing a person from last 5 years and I don’t know why there is no progress. Sometimes as woman I want more from this relationship but as I am still not sure about it. I can’t go any further…. 

   Please click on the link to read in detail. 

https://anelife16.blogspot.in/2017/07/without-kiss.html

Remembering the past you.(open letter).

Please, don’t consider my feelings…when you  read it. They always change.

psd copyI have so many times mentioned you in my post directly and indirectly. I don’t know sometimes it is intentionally, and sometimes it is not. But you are always there…..

Last time; when, we met. you asked me something. You asked me “why you?” and I said “it was our age of stupidity.”

I always ask this question to myself, that why I have fallen for you…and guess what? there are things, which makes you different; but still the question remain still “unanswered.”

You already know that I am very much infatuated with you.
So, here are somethings which I want to check once again.

  • I found you very amusing from very beginning. I don’t know why I easily gets distracted by you.
  •  From the time, I confessed my feelings for you till now….there are many minor details..I still remembered about you.
  •  I still remember idiots things…..you have done and many things which are told about you.
  •  Remembering good thing about you makes me happy.
  • I still have your letters inside my wardrobe and I consider them very  precious…. (feeling like they are love letters….)
  •  I remember once; I wrote lyrics of a song I dedicated to you….and one of the song is from movie ‘jannat’ –“ha tu hai.”
  •   I don’t know why ? the time when I was holding grudge for you….I wanted to see you….even though I know that you were ignoring me.
  •  I took you as a challenge of my life and you know what  I am still battling.
  •  I made choice to move on…..but sometimes; I feel I am hooked to your memories…..
  •  It was you, who was my page turner. And you will be always ; my bookmark.
  • I don’t know about future ….but I know how to accept things. So, I know anything can change.

So, I know  you may be confused when you read it …. I still make things, not so easy.

Please, don’t consider my feelings…when you  read it. They always change.

  1. PS. It’s  dedicated ….and I can’t portrait you. Wishes! for your future.please don’t mind after reading it..

Things have changed …life review.

Hello reader, it took me long time to write something ethical….

Well! I am very much busy these days because it’s financial year ending. Many of you might be thinking what connection I am having with finance, so let me remind you that I am still working as trainee accountant….. And yes! I am still stuck…..although I don’t hate my job now….because now I have got use to it.

These days i am living alone…. and I don’t have a single human being around me  during times when I need them…. I am actually talking about my family and friends.

I don’t know what feelings are as I have turned into a robot who knows only about her works…

But I am enjoying this alone solitude time…..because no one cares whether I am sleeping or awake…..whether dying or living …I can do anything ….even dance naked !(just kidding…..but its truth )

I am living on my own….still lazy…..in cooking. (The reason I still want my mother to be with me is food because… I can’t cook well.)

These days music is my best friend…..it still helping me to survive.

I listen and download a new tracks everyday…. and I have become huge fan of Asian dramas which include Japan, Taiwanese, Thai, Korean Indian mix videos are my favorite…. Korean/Thai actors are really very cute and handsome….

I have prepared a list of series to see every day during my spare time…

  1. Full house Korean/Thai
  2. Playful kiss/ kiss me
  3. My little lover
  4. The girl and three sweethearts.

And there are more to watch….

Now about my personal love trouble….

I can’t love someone more than myself…I have learn this about myself…..

Going through one sided relationship doesn’t give much more than pain.

Although this time it was not hard because I was not serious from very beginning … I have already told vikas….my first preference is my career and my family which exactly same from his side for his family and himself.

I didn’t have much chance to know him…and yes! I am not ashamed to take his name….no code V this time.

It was not a serious  kind…of l0ve relationship…..just a trial date….which took….five years to understand that we couldn’t go together.

I know he will be annoyed ….but now who cares…. I am already a spoil brat.

I know describing your personal relationship in public is highly immature and a big stupidity…. but you know what ….my heart is really itching ….and I can’t control.

He compared himself with someone who was….

I can’t disclose…much ….it my fault and I am taking blame on my self….

I believe him as good friend…. and may be after reading all these things he may not consider me as one.

I do not hate him ….it’s that things have not gone far between us and I am thankful….

My last poem “thank god we never kissed” was dedicated to him….

PS…By the way vikas….if you are reading this….. I am sorry for mentioning you in public.

Kiss under misletoe

why this idiot boy don’t understand ?” .

Christmas night Short love story(in hindi) 

(for हिंदी  रीडर click the लिंक)

Everyone were Dancing and Singing with happiness. It was Chirstmas night.

They both were dancing hand in hand , matching beat to beat. And Suddenly a romantic song started playing , thus they separated themselves from dance floor. GIRL moved to a corner and sat on a chair, BOY moved and stand beside her. GIRL asked BOY to come closer with help of indication. As the boy bend closer and put his ear near girl face so that he could hear her , She said ” I love you” and very lightly her lips touched his cheek . The Boy said “I think I am getting more mad after dancing.”As if he didn’t heard what she said  and he moved to dance floor once again.

The Girl saw him moving in dance floor and thought “why this idiot boy don’t understand ?” . And she too moved after him in dance floor.

Friends turning strangers-the reality behind word the friend circle.

We were girls, it was obviously that we do gossips, and sometimes our ego clash, sometimes we misunderstood each other. But one thing that I never understood was why we friends would never openly discuss our issues that we had problems and instead preferred bitching at each other’s back.

Today I am going to write the reality behind word the- friend circle.  

I have never been so interactive may be because it’s my second nature. I do things by observation. And this is where I emotionally lack. 

When I took admission in college  I thought;  I would change  my this very basic tendency and  I made a little  bit change in my behavior.  I started interacting and became part of friend circle.  It was not a big group, but it was a group of six girls where everyone was different from other.

We were girls, it was obviously that we do gossips, and sometimes our ego clash, sometimes we misunderstood each other.  But one thing that I never understood  was why we friends would never openly discuss our issues that we had  and instead preferred bitching at each other’s back.

During midsession of second year in  college one of my group friend shifted near my neighborhood. I thought it was a good opportunity for me to be close friend to her. (I don’t want mention her name…..let call her –Y

So, when Y was new in her neighborhood she called me  every now and then for help because I was her college friend who lived near her house.  We did shopping together sometimes and sometimes we go for chilling.  I thought she became my good friend, but that was not a true.  One day my other close friend- A {let say – A) who was also in group showed me the other side of it. A said to me that ” you have started spending much time with Y and most of the time you are ;either busy helping Y or you go shopping with her.”{may be A was jealous of Y  }

I said to A that “it’s just that I am being good friend to Y who lives near her neighborhood.”  A said “it’s OK, till you are helping her, but don’t you see that  she is getting dependent on you.  Let her do her work herself.”

I agreed with A because I  also got  tired   helping Y  from time to time and I wanted my personal time to rest .

So whenever Y called me for any of her irrelevant work I would make excuses. I thought that it’s enough being good friend, now it’s time for Y to understand that she can do things alone.  And I started spending time with my other group friends.

I was happy that I took that decision, but I think Y was not happy with my sudden change in behavior.{because I was not acting like her pet anymore} .

When I started  spending more time with my other friends she started being nosy and bitching about it to other group members. In front me she acted as if I am her most favorite friend.

I understand in a group sometimes you have to cooperate with those you don’t like and same things started happening between us.I was not only the one who was having problems with Y tactics but there were others group members who disagree with her ……it was that we never come open in front of her.(we cannot outcast someone in oneday and this was the thing we called being in group.)

At  the end of  semester  one thing I analyzed in the group was that  none  of the friends were  close  or trusted   each other. Everyone have their own individual opinion.

After the college everyone got disconnected except  me, Y and another friend of our group say X.

X and Y were never so close friends so they never been much together.  After college we did had gathering for sometimes, but after some time we moved on and got busy with are different careers.{ some got married , some jobs and some still studying.}

Now you all might be thinking why I am writing all this…..because the fact that I understood that being in group and having big friend circle was of no use to me.  I am still alone … and feel stranger to them.

A few months back I got some very unfortunate news about Y. That time I didn’t have any moral fiber to act  as a good friend to Y.  Yesterday when by chance I met her in street….. My lips were sealed{having no words  of friendship}. I was neither smiling at her nor acknowledging her presence. This was the same thing what I saw in her eyes and her face.  I was stranger to her ….

The truth was  that  we became complete stranger to each other. A stranger who once knew each other.