Deep Thoughts -1

Basically I am tired of feeling frustrate… sometimes I do think why I am born.
I don’t even want to explain how I am living. These three months of my life was like sea saw… sometimes I feel like I am the lucky one and sometimes it like I am living the most awful life ever.
My greatest fear is living away from those whom I loved. That’s why I don’t easily get involve with anyone…. May be it’s my destiny to live alone . Because everyone ,whom I have ever loved ; gave me some big excuse for leaving me….. I am honest and loyal. I  have crossed every limit to reach them, fight for them…do whatever I could.
But I can’t expect anything back. Getting reciprocate love…..Is not just what I get. I am bad. Bad in decision regarding Love. I have been in love many times… I don’t know why? I always fall for the trap…
I am not timepass or any object….that is used and thrown. I am someone who is looking for a love that is continuous …forever and everlasting.
But ,whenever I fall for someone . I never even get the same…every time . …Sometimes the person can’t Love you ,because he love someone else.
Sometimes ,person loves you. But don’t understand you . Your feelings are nil for them and you are never their first priority.
Sometimes the person loves you …he will do everything a life partner does for you, but you can’t expect lifelong commitment . Because it’s the society who will decide….. (Your marriage.)
I have lost a lot in these three months…or I say in these three years.    But I have gained too ….that is. How  to move on ….because your happiness never depends on Someone.

Start loving yourself….(I am saying this because I can’t ). I am hungry… I slept empty stomach ….in frustration.

But more than hunger of food I am feeling hunger of affection that I truly deserve. I am hungry for love and care. Someone who just say I will be there, I am for you only you……
But than I look back …I look at all those men I have loved and still loving….do you believe I would be loyal now. Would I be able to give someone the love that he deserves. No! No ! I have already given every bit of it  to these men … And I am all broken in pieces… I would now never be committed /loyal to the person who would truly love me.
And yes if he ever ask me whom do you love most … I would first look back to all of you and then I would look at myself and I would say m…… I still don’tknow.88dd70d1894b0e9a50c1f231a41507a1

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Falling in dark pit

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Hello dear readers!

You are going to read one of my dark secret.  I have fallen in a very dark pit and I don’t even know how I would come out of this darkness. In my last blog post I have wrote my fantasy about a person.

And what if you have absorbed his darkness into you ….. for me it’s like  I have bought a dress ,which is  out of my budget  and I am in  big debt .

I don’t even know which way I would go….feeling miserable. Even though; I already have known the truth.  Whenever I get the reality check my heart sunk like  the titanic.

It’s like whenever I am with him ….he is my world. Living separate and alone would seriously make me insane….i am wandering in dark forest and piercing my heart once again. I won’t come out this time and won’t be able stand….

I am just done with myself now…. I know have crossed some limits now….

PS.I am living my life without thinking …..i know now…..who I can be.