I was feeling very lazy and exhausted. The door of my room was closed and everything in my room was scattered as usual. Suddenly there was knock on door “wake up dear and get ready soon we all have to go for marriage in church.”
I have totally forgotten about the marriage and reception in which my family was invited…. Actually I was not really interested in attending it, rather I should sleep and rest I thought. But my mother is not going to leave me alone. She knocked for second time and this time I said “I am getting ready.”
The marriage ceremony was little boring, I couldn’t help myself and was dozing in my seat next to mom. Every time the priest says something and I was putting effort to open my eyes.
After the marriage ceremony was completed and when married couples were taking family photos, I just walked swiftly outside the church to get some fresh air and shake up my sleepy brain. I knew after this I have to attend reception also, so I asked my mother can I go for shopping before that. She said “yes, you can go but don’t be late.”
After shopping when I was getting ready for reception, I saw myself in mirror -so dull and glow less my face have become I thought. “For whom I am getting ready and dressed up, no one is going to take interest in me. I rather put my specs on my face and look nerdy ,than putting eyeliner and mascaras on my eyes.” I didn’t put much effort in doing make up, but the last thing I did was I didn’t put on my eyeglasses just for change.
At reception when every group members were hugging and handshaking their friends, I was standing alone like a loner in search of friends or any one whom I could talk too. And then I saw my friend talking to a person whom I couldn’t recognize at first sight because I saw him after a long time. I was little surprised and nervous. I don’t know how to react because that person was someone who has put a lot of effect ….whose presences could easily shake me up. I don’t know whether to approach my friend and acknowledge that person standing next to her or just ignore it. The second option was easy one, but I took the first option and oblige his presences. For a second I couldn’t take my eyes off his face, but I can’t give him a hint or react to his being. So, the next thing which was safe for me was that I took my friend away from his company.
I was there to enjoy the party but the whole time my mind was recapping the situation I have been in past. I have moved on in my life so far but only to fall into another awkward relation, where I was unhappy and living with-” its complicated relationship.”
A person couldn’t have feelings for two people at a time … but I have. May be I was not fully moved on, and I was not happy with my current situation.
I have decided… that thinking practically have given me nothing so why to resent on things that could never happen. He is happy in his world and I should be happy in mine.
I thought “why to wait for someone to make you happy, I should be happy for whatever I am”. My friend said “let’s dance,” I smiled at her and said “let’s rock the dance floor.”
The whole party night I dance, till I got exhausted but I was happy being myself.
PS: I have not been in my mind for a few days …. Yes, a lot of time it happens. Sometimes things don’t go as you wish. People try to put you down and sometimes your close ones are the one to disappoint you. And sometimes your past comes and stands in front of you .
They can’t change you or stop you from being you .