Love: – the great beginning

How much do you believe in love?

Love is a feeling which could never be describe in words. It’s a God gift.

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Whenever I talk about love I get some inner happiness which couldn’t be expressed.

Love is not only a beautiful emotion that human being feels, it’s something which greatly affect our life. Right from beginning we feel love of our parents, siblings and friends. But there is a stage in life where you expect more from life because you are desperately in need of love that the love around you is not enough for you.

Thus ,when I had this desperate need what happened was surely you want know because it change my whole life and they never come to normal situation.

When I was a small girl my mother use to narrate me stories of prince and princess where prince was the most charming person and princess was most beautiful. I use to imagine how my prince would look and how beautiful I will become when I grow up.

You know being teen brings many sudden changes and one of the change which I felt was that opposite gender started looking me differently. It was may be because I was growing up as woman and having little craziness in myself.It’s a general feeling.You know how girls are taught to be alert enough around male human being.

My father always tries to be protective and had some kind grumpiness in face whenever I looked him, although now the time has changed him but earlier he was a kind of Hitler of house. I was the only person who lives, laugh and cry openly without any shame because I was the youngest. My entire elder family members always remind me that I am girl and I should be in discipline. But nobody ever stop me for whatever I am doing.

The sudden feeling of love arouse inside me when I was 14-15 something. I actually was a geek and a most irritating person at that time whose friends actually were books and her imagination. Yes, I was like that and boys use to make fun of me behind my back.

I want to get attention of someone whom I liked and try to prove him that I am very special please treat me with respect and love. I did some foolish drama and all kind of things that I still kept it as secret. But most of them is already described in my earlier post* finding true friendship and soothing words is friendship. My only dear friend Anju is my secret keeper…  … In those days I started  maintaining a personal diary in which I used to write my feelings and thoughts, and even kept love letters and greetings for my crush. He never bothered whatever I used to do, like I make greetings for him … buy special gifts and I still remember his birthday. It  hurted my feelings very badly but I took it all because I used to believe that one day he will understand that I love him.I became a secret stalker and really got obsessed in his love.

The feelings I cherished with him never turn me down or got reduced. I still remember how I make excuses of morning walk just spend time with him. I stare at him secretly whenever we were in groups and I even try to get him alone just to talk with him.

I know the early feelings of love or infatuation makes you crazy …. But trust me those are the most beautiful feelings you will ever had.

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“Soothing words is friendship.”

-(Continuation to  finding true friendship)

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What  do you think a girl does when she had a heart break?

At that moment what I did was this-I shut myself from the world outside for three days. Yes, when your heart is broken you are unable to face the person who broke your heart, but more than that you are unable to face the world happiness. It becomes too much for you to hide your inside feelings. So, I shut myself.

I pretended to my family that I am extremely busy and I would not come out of my room. But there was a person who knows I was faking it; my elder sister who is my roommate got fed up seeing me in room. She even started taunting me saying “why the witch hasn’t come out of her layer?”

When I didn’t respond to her taunting she just got more annoyed and finally she dragged me out of room so that I could not disturb her privacy. See how? To save her privacy she took all my solitude time, without knowing that  I was all broken inside.I had no place to go after that heart breaking thing because I disconnected myself from Anju; whom I thought as my loyal friend .

If you all are wondering who Anju is? Or you are reading my blog post for first time let me give you brief recap of the story of my life. Anju is one of my close friends who live in my neighborhood. She became my quick friend and was very loyal to me. I had crush on some cute boy in my neighborhood and when I expressed him my feelings it was revealed to me that he actually like Anju my best friend. So, I disconnected myself from Anju who was my only loyal friend.

I was crying inside and had no place to go…So I sat on house terrace to see how it feels to see outside world after three days. It was mid summer evening so all children were playing in open ground outside my house, they were happy because it was summer vacations.

While I was reasoning myself why I was sad? Why I was feeling alone?

The answer was that I have no one to share my grudge and the only friend whom I trusted was now my competitor. A person whom I trusted so long with my feelings and now who was just someone who is more attractive than me ,because she is liked by my own crush.

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friendship image by- Anema Lakra

I was all in my land of thoughts that who was sitting beside me ,I was not aware. Then suddenly a hand touched my shoulder and pulled me out of my wonderland. That hand belongs to Anju; seeing her at that moment I thought maybe I was still daydreaming and she woke me by saying “what’s up girl? Why didn’t you come to my house?”

She was still in misrepresentation that after that incident when my own crush made me feel embarrassed saying that she was much better than me. Does she believe that, I would be able friendly with her? I ignored her questions and instead I asked her when she came and why can’t she come to meet me earlier if she missed me.

Anju did have some hint from my sarcastic answer and looked down as if I caught her lying to me. She remained silent for a moment as she was waiting for me to say something and I did said “do you as well like him?” I wanted to know  since when she was lying to me about her relation with that boy. Because according to him I was fool, so I wanted to know that since when I was been made fool about this fake friendship and puppy love.

Anju said she was sorry because she should have told me earlier about the feelings my crush was having for her. Actually she known it from very beginning that I like that boy and when she tried to gave him hint about my feelings, the boy got misunderstandings that she like him and thus the boy also started liking her.

I tried to understand her situation because previously I have only asked her to help me in expressing my feelings. But I still doubted her and again I said to her “it’s OK, if she liked him. I will accept it, but if not than she need to clear his misunderstanding.” She said she don’t see him more than a friend. And I could see that genuineness in her words because I trusted her.

That day we became friends again and I found the lost happiness of friendship.

Thus this whole situation created a lots of misunderstandings, because we were in that age of life when little things affect you more than what you actually thought  they can do. I understood that day the way you feel for other may not be same as other feel for you. For example, I thought Anju abandon me because of that boy but actually I was the one who was trying to end it because of jealously.